February’s Word of the Month: Connection

I love thinking of connection as energy; something we can actually feel it when it’s there. Connection between lovers, friends, your children, your students, your pets, and nature. Although it varies in its expression, we can feel it all the same.

February is the month when we take a day to celebrate love in it’s many forms. It may be a gift of time spent with your spouse or partner. A card and a box of chocolates for your kids. Or maybe a hand-decorated shoebox filled with notes of friendship from your classmates. Cheesy as it may seem, I’m ok with anything that fosters any form of connection these days.

As Brown defines it, to feel “seen, heard and valued” by another, to feel safe in expressing yourself, to “derive sustenance and strength from another,” are the products of authentic connection. I stand at this moment in time as a mom with children in three different schools, a wife with a husband who works at a military base, a daughter of two aging parents, and a teacher on the front lines serving at-risk students. And I exist in this place, grateful to be sober and present. This is an overwhelming time to be alive. I really need connection.

I think of connection as a circuit that flows from me to another and back again. When I make my student, my parent, or my child feel seen, heard and valued, I feel validated in return. When I derive sustenance and strength from my husband, I am filled so that I may pour out on others in return. When I listen to my friends and close co-workers vent and express their overwhelm and frustration, I know I’ve created a safe space to share. I feel grateful for the respite in the storm.

Connection also exists among the intangible and acts as nourishment for the soul. When my connection with God is strong and clear, my life feels purposeful and meaningful. I see things with more than just my eyes. When I’m out in nature, noticing the beauty around me both on a grand and minute scale, I feel part of this earth, a member of the body of all living things… not just someone passing through.

Connection is something I celebrate and hold close because in my drinking life, connection was what I both feared and craved. I wanted to feel the energy of connection, but my experience was the opposite, often feeling rejected, or isolated in my struggles. Connection takes vulnerability, and that was something I couldn’t afford to show.

Now that I allow myself to be authentic (and with that, vulnerable) I seek out opportunities to connect with others. Sometimes it’s merely holding the door open so someone can come in and sit and feel safe. It could also be a long, warm hug. Or a heart to heart over a beautifully crafted coffee drink.

Whatever form it takes, it gives back more than it takes. It is an essential ingredient to living a full and rewarding life. So not just a day, but all month, I’m celebrating love, also known as connection. I’ll close with a few favorite quotes.

“Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by the accidents of time, or place, or circumstances, are brought into closer connection with you.”

Saint Augustine

“In nature we never see anything isolated, but everything in connection with something else which is before it, beside it, under it and over it.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.”

William James

Love and light.