I still struggle. Progress isn’t always linear; in fact, sometimes instead of moving forward we stand still, or even backslide. Lately, it feels I’m losing ground.
I am still sober and each day is another pace forward on that front. But the rest of it feels tangled and messy. I’ve completely abandoned my discipline when it comes to eating healthy, and sugar is now my vice. It seems like that’s the pattern. When we stop one bad habit, others line up to take its place.
I’ve written about my struggle with weight before. About how after I quit drinking I lost 38 pounds in the first year. Doing Whole30 and completely cutting out sugar and many other things (dairy, most carbs, gluten, and legumes) for a month accounted for the last 10 or so pounds and the first 30 came off by quitting alcohol and exercising consistently.
Anyway, somewhere along the line I opened the door to sweets being my “feel-good” go to. And the pounds crept back on. Currently, I am only 15 pounds down from where I started. Usually, I’m not a counter of calories and pounds. I like to keep the focus on health. But I have forced my own hand (and now I need to force it away from my mouth).
I can’t understand why, being a fairly intelligent person, I can’t get the formula down for maintaining my weight. I’m either gaining, or losing, never just maintaining. And friends, it is exhausting.
It is probably this predicament that has caused my overall negativity. Today, marks the beginning of Lent and the beginning of me giving up sweets. I need something to spark the change, and I feel that cutting out dessert items completely is where I’ll see the light.
Usually, I have a pretty good grasp on my mindset, and make sure it sets in the realm of love and light. Today, though. Today is one of those days.
The day where you wake up really tired and make your way to work only to hear bad news about the majority of your students. The day you swear off sugar and a co-worker brings in doughnuts. The day where there are annoyances around every corner. The day you tell your daughter you don’t want to play with her. The day you go to post on your blog and there is an error preventing you from doing so. The day when your husband brings home a six-pack of microbrews and you normally wouldn’t care, but this day, it bothers you. Yes, today is that day.
My purpose here is not to drag you, dear readers, into the muck. But to be transparent about the fact that I still have those days, and sometimes, those weeks, or even months. The difference between now and back when I was drinking is that I know these times pass, and I know I can get through without altering my consciousness or numbing. I know this through my own experience.
So, while it sucks to be in this place right now, with my tight pants and my all-around grumpiness, I know that better days lie ahead. I know I will get through this discomfort by saying a prayer and acknowledging that, yes, I am disappointed in myself and my choices, yet again. But that won’t stop me from getting up, yet again, and continuing on this journey of wellness.
They can’t all be good days; if they were, we’d have no need to strive.
P.S. This was supposed to post yesterday, February 17, 2021, but WordPress was not my friend.
I love the part about swearing off sugar and a coworker brings in donuts. That is the perfect analogy for making goals and feeling sabotaged! Don’t beat yourself up, you are sober!! I have to remind myself of that all the time. Anyway, it’s working now but I’m going to send you an email tonight, so please look for that when you have a minute. I think you need to tweak your avatar/profile because now when I clicked it went to Out of the Ashes. Do you know where that setting is? If not I’ll email you instructions. I’m sure you want clicks to take viewer to your blog!!
Ok great! I’ll look for it! Thanks for your help! And that’s true… I have a lot of reasons to be kind to myself. Being sober tops the list! 😘♥️
I sent it. Gave you some details that may or may not help. Keep me posted. xxxx
thank you Collette..just..thank you. I needed the reminder that we all suffer and none of us are perfect every day. Even when it looks like someone has it altogether all the time, an area of their life is probably still a struggle. i always admire your positivity but i also admire your transparency-you got this and you know it! Hugs!
Thank you, Lovie. I think I am often resistant to sharing the negative stuff because I feel like everyone else’s loads are already heavy, and I don’t want to add to it. But I can’t hide the reality, and like you said, transparency is often what people need to feel understood. I appreciate you!
i think we can all relate to not wanting to burden others , especially right now as it seems we are all carrying a heavy weight in various ways..ty..i appreciate you as well…hugs!
Hang in there! Sugar is an addiction too and your brain uses the same tricks to try to drag you back. I’ve been using a free habit-monitoring app to help give me that accountability at the end of the day. The other thing I’ve learned is tying weight-loss to a specific behaviour goal will undermine you. It’s easier to make a goal that just focuses on the behaviour. That will make the weight loss goal easier to tackle a few weeks down the road. You can do it!
Okay, I love what you are saying here, but you have to give me an example…tying weightloss to a specific behavior goal will undermine you. Do you mean I should just focus on not eating sugar and not the weightloss aspect? I think that’s what you’re saying, and if so I agree…even if my motivation to stop eating sugar is to lose weight? But is that tying it to a goal? Help!
Yes, just honing in on one habit change that YOU want to change (breaking the sugar habit) is easier and requires less white knuckle will power than trying to improve a number of habits. You can focus on that one behaviour, see how it goes and develop some new, healthier responses to a craving. Then, four or six weeks down the road (and your sugar cravings should have abated by then), consider adding another habit that you want to pursue. This way you give yourself a break, you’re not denying your body all it’s comfy habits all at the same time. Basically you set yourself up for small victories. You know what is required to lose weight. We’ve all heard a million times what is required. A kinder path to the usual diet regime might be to identify one habit at a time, just like you’re doing with sobriety (which is an achievement all by itself). One thing at a time, make the changes easy to identify, don’t demand special outcomes from your body. After all, your body is busy healing itself, so you can let it carry on doing that. Cutting out sugar will help it continue to heal as well, so its still an amazing new habit to consider all by itself. Maintaining your sobriety is the most important habit to maintain, though. In fact it’s the most vital thing. You’ve done such incredible work!
Thank you so much for taking the time to elaborate. I totally get it, and also agree. I am taking a break from sugar and when that is under control and not such an issue I can build on that good behavior toward an overall goal of losing some weight and staying healthy. I think when I realized I have in effect replaced my alcohol addiction with a sugar addiction it really made me feel defeated. It all starts with awareness and acceptance though, right? Thank you again for your insight. It is really helpful. Looking forward to digging into your blog for more! 💕
all you can do is give it go, right? I’m STILL replacing one “addiction” with another. What I’m learning is the reason I’m glomming on to one behaviour and then another is they work so well in cheering me up, dagnabbit! The difference is now I can catch myself and go, hang on a second…
Thanks for sharing Collette and being so honest. Yep, sugar is the devil. It’s natural to want some comfort during bad weather (not sure what your weather is like there) and Covid, that’s my excuse at the moment, but I too am determined to cut down. Be kind to yourself x
Yes, I think when we can get out more and do more we wont be so tempted to consume sweets to feel better. Makes perfect sense to me. I just want to get to a place where I can maintain a weight and not always be trying to lose, or not gain. It can be maddening! Thanks for your comment!
Indeed. It can be quite the mind frick this life at times. A continuous puzzle. Making progress one day and scratching our head other days. Sending you peace, Collette.
Thank you, Dwight. I will gladly take your peace. Sometimes it’s very difficult not to be able to “check out”. But we didn’t sign up for this because it was easy!! Love and light to you. Xx
Ah … I tried to comment on a previous post of yours but I wasn’t allowed!! So similar to my mind set right now and I do thank God I’m not drinking as I don’t know if it would pass if I was! I’m having big problems with sugar too. I’m even hiding it in drawers or covering up the wrappers!!! Addiction comes in many forms. I haven’t yet got to the point of abstinence but I know I’m heading that way. I get very frustrated by life’s tangles. I am trying to focus on the mantra ‘I accept’ but boy it’s not easy. Sending love xxx 💕💕
Thank you, Claire. It helps to know you struggle too…does that sound awful? I mean, I’m so sorry you’re struggling, but at least we’re struggling together. And like I mentioned on Dwight’s comment, we didn’t sign up for this because it was easy!! Love and light! Xx
It doesn’t sound awful. I get strength from knowing I’m not alone xx
I too know that pain. Just keep coming back, that stuff gets better… or is it easier? No, better. Yeah, that’s it. 😜
Thanks, Jim. I’ll figure it out someday. And, I’ll take better. I know easier isn’t really an option!
And still you’ve tapped into the strength to resist whats most destructive to your life 💪🏻 FANTASTIC❣️🥰
And hey, sugar is SUPER addictive so it’s not an easy foe to defeat. But I just keep trying when I slip 😂❤️🤗
Thanks for the support friend! I almost gave up this evening and I’m only on day 3! Ugh. I think it will get easier…eventually.♥️
😘🤗
Ugh, it’s a never ending process. I do better when I set realistic expectations and I staying aware of the benefits helps me the most.
I so relate to this, Collette. We know from where the discouragement comes and where to keep our eyes. 🙏❤️🙏
Thank you for this post! I have been saying I am feeling very blah. The blah feeling makes my brain think of alcohol more and eat more. It’s continuing to snow here and that brings on the blah feeling as well. I intend to make up a new goal and put my brain to work on that! I’ve got to. Like you said “We didn’t sign up for this because it was easy.” Thanks for that too!
Yes, sometimes the blah catches up with us. I think a new goal sounds like a great idea. Something to focus your attention on that will give you a feeling of accomplishment. I’m trying the give up sweets thing but that’s just something, another thing, I won’t do. I think I need to bring in something new to do so it’s not all just subtracting. Thanks for giving me something to think about. 💕
They can’t be all good days but we can make the good ones better. ❤️