When I consider the before and after, I can readily see the depth and dimension that sobriety brings to my life.
It opens my ears to listen to God and others around me. Ears to hear the need (not so much to listen to the book my daughter is learning to read but to give her my time and encouragement). To hear my calling (not so much help my student with her history, but to listen to and validate her story).
It opens my eyes to see beauty, need and opportunity. Eyes to see the diversity of nature and all its creatures and features; the variety of colors and textures, shapes and sizes. The beauty in the daily struggle to survive, triumph over tragedy, small acts of love or an elderly person’s smile. To see everyday chances to help and serve (holding a door, giving a hug, sharing a kind work, letting someone in).
It opens my heart to feel gratitude and appreciation for small, everyday experiences I hadn’t noticed or taken advantage of before. A heart that sees solitude as a place of restoration and reflection, not somewhere to dwell on regret or anxious thoughts (so thankful for reading and nap time). Appreciation for everyday gifts (the first sip of coffee in the morning, the smell of a clean house or a slow-cooked meal, the calm that washes over me after exercise, the warm comfort from the dog snuggled up beside me).
It opens my mind to learn and grow from others and myself. A mind that is healing and accepting the healthy things I feed it. A mind able to think creatively and reflectively. Able to process and articulate the mosaic that is my life. A mind always seeking knowledge and light through study and connection (books that enlighten and educate, coffee with mentors and wise friends). A mind that generates words that others need to hear (an overwhelmed child, a hurting stranger, a discouraged friend online, or my doubting self).
None of these portals to my true nature could have been accessed had I stayed cocooned in my blanket of self-pity, indifference and isolation.
When I read the inspiring words of sober veterans I am so appreciative for their wisdom. I am also secretly overwhelmed by the thought that this is “the thing” I will have to deal with, daily, for the rest of my life. Then I put myself back in my drinking days and consider my reality had I not quit. And that, my friends, is a daily reality I have no need, desire or even ability to sustain.
Instead, I choose to experience the clear eyes, full heart and open mind that sobriety brings for the rest of my days. And if it’s “the thing”, it’s my thing, and I’ll gladly, gratefully take it.
Yes!
I feel the same. My true nature was cut off by my drinking, isolation, and resentments.
I never think of forever when it comes to not drinking, but I keep the past in my mind, knowing where I’d end up!
xo
Wendy