I know it’s been awhile since I posted; all my new year’s intentions about every other day have fallen away. Drifted into the land of “I Should” like a lot of other intentions and habits I’ve cultivated over the last few years. If you’re reading today and searching for inspiration…you may want to look elsewhere.
I know, that sounds terrible. Like I’ve reached a new low. I should always be able to share an inspiring word, even in the deepest times of struggle. But this isn’t even deep struggle…this is mediocre malaise, lukewarm pain. Yet, it’s persistent.
My son has moved out. There are devastating wildfires burning nearby and the smoke in our area has made the air quality “hazardous” for over a week. The pernicious pestilence is re-surging. My morning prayer and Bible time has dwindled to hurried one-line prayers throughout the day. When I do find time to read scripture I find myself in the book of Isaiah, reading about the destruction of the Earth. And my body seems to have been hijacked by mother nature and is entering a new season where hormones get to wreck havoc on body temperature, mood, sugar cravings, motivation, libido and monthly cycles that hang around all month. Sorry guys. It’s getting real here, and it’s the stuff no one ever talks about, and women are never prepared for.
Anyway, the kernel of gratitude that was planted tenderly and diligently in my heart when I got sober immediately counters with: At least your son is healthy and not too far away; thriving in academia, playing sports and doing life! At least it’s not your house is safe and you’re not stuck in an evacuation center. At least you and your family are healthy and currently COVID-free. At least you have a job to wake up early for; one that you love and brings you purpose. At least you have your faith and it carries you through this crazy, chaotic world. At least you are maturing and growing in wisdom with a little bit of grace; you get to face this season with understanding friends and modern medicine.
Yes, at least. I don’t like to complain in this space I have lovingly created. My desire is to connect, inspire and bring hope to those struggling in an existence instead of a life. But more than this, I know I need to be honest, even when it’s not pretty, or feels a little self-indulgent or petty.
So the truth is, I currently have no motivation to eat healthy, exercise, keep up my morning rituals, stay positive, write, watch the news, be the change, or conquer the day. Bed, homemade cookies, and mindless games on my iPhone seem like much better friends.
But today, I’m 900 days sober. I am still victorious and grateful and strong, even when I don’t feel like it. And I’ve gone through enough to know that at least challenging times don’t last forever. Sunlight and clear skies, or even better, rain comes around and washes everything away and brings renewal. And until then, there’s chocolate.
Wow!
Happy 900 days!
❤️
Have you noticed the change of light?
Less daylight, longer shadows.
That is affecting me a bit.
I am telling myself, if my 96 year old mom carries on, so can I.
But mostly, I try to have some self compassion. I can’t be a super person all the time. Perhaps I need a time of rest.
xo
Wendy
Yes, I think self-compassion is key right now. Thank you for the reminder. I also always try to keep things in perspective. And sometimes it is just “carrying on” instead of thriving. Thank you, friend. Xx
Congratulations on 900 days!!! That’s amazing!! I look up to you! 😍
Thank you, Jackie! Hope you are doing well!Xx
well of course it’s ok to have these days…or weeks! They always teach us something about ourselves in the end. So happy for your 900 days!! be well!
Thank you Lovie. It feels like it’s just one long season right now. Waiting patiently for the lessons to emerge. Hope you are well! Xx
I get it🤗
I know you do. Thank you. Love and light! Xx
Totally get it and sometimes we just need to accept we feel it. Sometimes we need to be compassionate to ourselves and allow a little wallowing, allow some bed rest and let ourselves switch off. 900 days is awesome and you will come through the other side xxx 💕💕
Thank you Claire. My hormones are really running the show right now and it isn’t fun to be me! And my anxiety is up, doctor said blood pressure is up, weight is up… Wait, I am supposed to stop complaining now! Or at least go wallow by myself. Bed rest sounds awesome, as it probably does to any teacher in the first month of school! Hope you are well, dear friend. I know there’s been some job drama. Hope to hear from you soon. Xx
I think you and I are doing about the same. Good days, and then pretty crap ones. I get so annoyed with myself being all ‘woe is me’. My weight is up too and I can’t control my anxiety or depression right now. Job drama has kicked that off though and I just need to get past the emotions of feeling under valued and mistreated … blah blah!! Dealing with emotions sober is a whole new world 😄😄🤗🥰
900 days is wonderful. You are such an inspiration showing how life can be really reclaimed.
Thank you, Gary! Sometimes I don’t feel very inspirational…but I’m guessing that’s all of us these days! Xx
You do such a good job at inspiring and supporting others, you are entitled to a day off 😉. Thanks for being honest, even on your off days you are helping others. Sending hugs 🤗 xx
Thank you my friend. I hope that being honest about off days or weeks or months in some way does help others. This journey is not easy, even in our best moments. Hope you are well! Xx
Ups and downs dearest Collette ❣️🤗🥰
I applaud that you’ve kept the most important thing, your most important thing!! Sobriety ❣️🌈
It’s exhausting to keep so many balls in the air and sometimes they drop. It’s ok❣️
Rest. Indulge. Rejuvenate your spirit by reducing or eliminating some non-essential things. At least, that’s what I do in times like these 😉 I retreat inward in a peaceful and protective cocoon to restore and reorient myself and my goals.
You’ll pick the fallen balls up again when you’re ready.
In the midst of it all, you’ve done an amazing job focusing on the many things beautiful things you’re grateful for. It’s a powerful ally😘🥰