This morning I woke up sober for the 1,000th consecutive time. For some reason, it finally feels like a lot. Given that it took me so many starts and stops, I’ve never made it to quadruple digits and it feels like an achievement.
I’m reading the lovely Catherine Gray’s Sunshine Warm Sober, and totally relate to the sensation she describes upon waking, “I wake up into the security. Up until three years ago, I always woke up into the fear, if only for an infinitesimal split second. ‘Where am I? What have I done? What did I drink?’ It’s taken my subconscious, the obscured underside of the iceberg in my mind, years to catch up with the fact I no longer have anything to fear. That I no longer wake into wreckages of my own making.”
Yes, this.
It’s been 1,000 days since I’ve opted to pick up in order to numb out, relax, celebrate, entertain, obliterate, or escape. And, as Laura McKowen puts it in her blog about 1,000 days, “There is no gift like this gift. There is nothing more precious than the pain of waking up to your life.”
To the feeling that your thoughts are your own, your behaviors are your own, and your truth is your own. They may still be regrettable at times, or less than your best, or even just mundane and tedious…but they are pure, unadulterated you.
I’ve experienced this for 1,000 days. What I feel is a significant amount of time. In the epic literary novel, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, time is a major theme. A character in this book states that an average lifespan consists of 30,000 days. If this is the case, I’m more than halfway through. But it feels remarkable to know that the last 1,000 days, plus however many more I get, will be my own.
By choosing me instead of self-medicating to alter my consciousness, I’m choosing the path illuminated in gratitude, clarity, and trust. I’ve left the path of darkness, filled with regret, and fogginess and uncertainty. And I know that by not drinking, I am giving myself the best gift I can imagine.
And with a clear head and a peaceful heart, anything is possible.
Wonderfully said. Thank you for sharing this. So many of us remember that ‘infinitesimal split second’ all too well. Going to bed sober and waking up sober never, ever, ever gets old.
Thank you! Yes, I completely agree. And many more for us both. Xx
this is fantastic! a milestone for sure..i have watched this process as you have gone along almost from the beginning and you have stayed the course.It is truly wonderful to behold and i am glad i have been along(sort of ) for the journey! CONGRATS!!!
actually i looked back to the beginning of your blog- September 2019..i had started my blog n July of 2019 ( i had 6 months of sobriety then so maybe i was there from the start-at any rate- so glad we are WP friends!)
You have been there from the beginning. Part of my dear circle of sober supports on WP. Glad we’re on this journey together! Xx
So well said and so happy for you Collette. Giving I Am a chance To Be is priceless. You have inspired me along the way – congratulations!
And you, me! Thank you Dwight. So glad we’re on this journey together! Xx
Congratulations on 1,000 days! Definitely the best present you could have given yourself yourself for sure! 🎁 You always write so beautifully and you always leave me inspired! You have helped me get to where I am today, and that is one of the most confident streaks yet! Thank you and so glad you’re here on WP! 😊
Thank you, Jackie! I’m glad I can give you some inspiration when needed. This is truly a rewarding, but very daily journey. I’m glad you are here to share the ups and downs. You’re doing beautifully, always. Xx
Fabulous and congratulations. I too read ‘sunshine warm sober’ and loved it. It reminded me of why I stay AF and the reasons not to drink again. Sending love 💕
Thank you, friend! It’s really good, I feel like saying out loud, “Preach, sister! ” She’s also very funny and helps me keep this life in perspective. There is beauty in laughing at yourself. I’ve missed you! Hope you are well. Happy Holidays, dear one. Xx
I’m so very happy for you Collette❣️🥳🥳🥳🥳
You’ve so beautifully and courageously shared your journey.
You are fierce and honest and brave and vulnerable and oh how you inspire me to live my best life also ❤️🤗
Happy belated 1000th!! Always enjoy reading about your journey Collette, so happy for you. Onward and upward! ❤️
I am so pleased for you. You have made so many strides forward and shared a light for many to see what can be achieved. You won’t miss the best of times now ❤️
Wow! I’m glad I went back a bit in your blog to read this. Truly wonderful! 💕