Creating Balance

I studied the confident, serene, upright bodies gliding across the lake and it looked so easy. Now, on my hands and knees and looking anything but graceful, I pushed back onto the flats of my feet and made a wobbly attempt to stand. Splash!

The cold water startled every pore on my skin and I floundered around for my sunglasses, which I’d forgotten to take off my head. This process of rising and falling took place half a dozen times before I was finally able to paddle around the lake, absorbing the sun on my face and a feeling of triumph in my soul; not quite ever reaching confident or serene, but at least I was upright. Now that I had created balance, I wanted more of it in my life.

I received a paddle board for my 44th birthday, as part of a plan to be courageous and try new things now that I was sober. It takes a surprising amount of balance, but I love the feeling of paddling on a quiet, moving surface and I am going to be making it a priority this summer.

Balance is defined as “a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.” If you stand in the wrong place and your weight is not distributed equally on the board, you fall.

We don’t think about balance often, but we know when it’s out of whack. We can not thrive when our lives are unbalanced. If balance is a condition, it is up to us to create it.

The elements that make up our lives are different for each one of us; some of us have more balancing to do than others. The elements also change throughout our lives, with certain seasons feeling like a juggling act and others offering us the chance to slow down, and maybe even find peace.

To achieve balance, we must be selective about the elements we allow in as well as the time we allot to each one. If we are in a busy season (as I feel like I have been for the last 20 years), we need to learn to say no, even if it means disappointing someone.

I should clarify. We need to learn to say no to anything that is not a priority or crucial to our personal mission. For example, I am blessed with three children, and I accept that driving them to practices and extra-curricular activities may not bring me life-changing fulfillment, but the role of mom taxi falls under the good-faith effort I am making to raise well-rounded, competent humans (who will take care of me someday). I also need to care for these humans by grocery shopping and preparing meals, making and taking them to medical appointments and various other tasks that I may consider to be mundane but are in fact important to my mission.

Other elements that are more obvious priorities include my career, family time (with the spouse, children and all together), writing and reflection, and tending to all three aspects of myself: mind, body and soul.

Once we know what the elements are that need balancing, we can move into creating it. Some call it time management.

In order to be an effective managers of time, we need to be intentional about how we spend it. I am not the most rigid person when it comes to routine, but I do find I function better with one in place.

This has been a shift for me since I stopped drinking. I now organize my time to fit my priorities, instead of letting life happen to me. The pattern of my life when I was drinking was predictably unpredictable. Routines were hard to follow because I never knew on any given day how good (or bad) I would feel and how much I would be able to get done.

My priorities would often fly out the window when I didn’t have the energy, motivation or discipline to face them. Eat something sensible and healthy or eat greasy tacos? Exercise after a long work day or pour a big glass of wine and “relax”? Write and reflect or take a nap? You know how I answered each question.

Now, I create balance by waking up early for prayer, study and quiet time, which sets the tone for my day. Next, I get everyone, myself included, to our designated school sites. I make sure to dedicate time to work out in the afternoon, even if it has to be walking the track during a softball or volleyball practice. I reserve weekend mornings and workday evenings for writing, making meals, homework, games with my little one and reading. Sundays are for God and family outings.

My days don’t always go according to plan, but they do often enough that I can rely on myself to take care of myself and others. How do I balance all these priorities? Since I no longer waste time on feeling like shit, I have many more hours in the day.

I used to believe I possessed an extreme mind in search of moderation. That I trended toward drama, with a mix of highs and lows. Now that I have a sense of clarity about who I am and where I want to go I no longer have the desire to be extreme or excessive. Now that I’ve achieved a sense of balance I no longer want to punish myself by falling into icy water.

It’s called peace. And it’s priceless.