Holding On, Letting Go

Ah, Rumi…your words are an arrow that so often find their target at the center of my heart. These two concepts, Holding On and Letting Go, can be beneficial or brutal, depending on the degree and contents. If we hold on too much, or to the wrong things, we will surely encounter disappointment or pain. Likewise, with letting go. And it is a balance–a delicate balance–that we struggle to achieve.

Holding On

We hold on to many things; some better for us than others. Good things to hold on to include: your loved ones, your faith, your hope, your positivity, and your determination to survive and thrive.

For those who have battled addiction, holding on to our sobriety, one day at a time, is an amazing and essential gift we give ourselves. I just awoke from a drinking dream where I had slipped up and indulged on a holiday with family. I found myself wandering through the house, disappointed in what I had done, but already visited by the feeling of wanting more. In a sense, when we are thriving in our sobriety, we are holding on to letting go and being released from the obsession.

Holding on to the right things looks like holding on to light. To whatever is, as Paul describes in Philippians 4:8, true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy. These relationships and thoughts should be treasured and held chose to our hearts.

The downside to holding on is attachment. In my fairly limited knowledge of Eastern philosophy (mainly the words of Pema Chodron, James Baraz, and Deepak Chopra) I’ve learned that when we hold on to thoughts and things, we experience attachment. Attachment is tied to expectations, and grasping for control. When we hold on to or are attached to the wrong thoughts (anger, jealousy, self-denigration, regret, selfishness, etc.) or things (material possessions and substances we think will bring us satisfaction) we almost always run headlong into suffering. Holding on to the wrong things is as dangerous as holding on too much.

Letting Go

American popular culture tends to portray the concept of letting go in a negative light. We are a nation of consumers, and see “stuff” as status. Letting go is losing, conceding, giving up. We forget the freedom earned in letting go.

In nature, letting go is a matter of survival of the fittest. A baby bird is pushed from the nest and made to fly or fall. A young lion is banished from the pride so he will establish his own group. I feel a nature instinct kicking in sometimes with my own children, when I withdraw or close off the doors to my heart because I am afraid of loving too much. I remind myself that the goal is for them to grow into independent, capable, self-contained individuals. Then my heart starts to flutter with panic like a bird trapped in a glass box. I made them! What do you mean I have to let them go? Parenthood is not for the feint of heart.

Letting go, in a positive light, looks like release. Freedom from what binds us, whether it is addiction, our own thoughts, too many possessions or another person. Letting go of accumulation leads to simplicity and peace of mind.

The danger in letting go too much is that we may become untethered from the things that are supposed to anchor us and end up drifting aimlessly without purpose. If we let go of the wrong things–hope, determination, loving when it’s difficult–darkness moves in.

The Balance

It is in the balance that we find rest and completion. Both holding on and letting go require vulnerability and discretion. Like standing on a paddle board, if you don’t stay centered, you will fall. Seek to hold on lightly, and to the right things. Strive to let go of what does not serve you.

And love every moment in between.