Here in the thick of the holiday season, I’m feeling the confluence of discomfort and joy. I know it’s supposed to be comfort, right? “Let nothing you dismay…” Well, when you’re sober, you realize just how frequently the holidays present us with situations and circumstances that you’d rather drink away or through. When the old Read More
Tag: sobriety
What is left
In my last post, I mentioned our trip to the coast and eating at my favorite restaurant. We also spent a morning at the beach; my happy place. I was delighted to try my new passion, nature photography, in the sand and surf. The experience did not disappoint, and I captured many creatures: big, small, Read More
The Suitcase
Imagine a huge suitcase inviting you fill its space. At first, articles and pieces get placed in a neat, orderly fashion. It seems so roomy and contained. Then, as layers are added, things start to crowd and squish. But don’t worry, this suitcase has expandable zippers to accommodate even more! More stuff. Then, as time Read More
Hello, Anger, My Old Friend
That old familiar feeling grips my stomach, and my breathing turns shallow. Thoughts fly through my mind and words hurl out of my mouth. I feel my blood pressure rising… And afterwards, the “cool down” when my mind and body refused to leg go, and the thought of a drink to make it disappear appeared Read More
Mind, Body, Spirit
The month of December always feels like a marathon with the day after Christmas being recovery. Husband watching football, daughter playing contentedly with her new array of toys and crafts. I am feeling the stirrings of not resolutions, but intentions. I’ve spent the last few months coasting and I want to climb back into the Read More
More Firsts
My middle son is going to his first Homecoming dance this weekend. I have so enjoyed witnessing the nervousness of the big ask (complete with a handmade sign and candy), the thoroughness of the wardrobe coordination, and the weightlessness of floating through the week with a big first waiting at the end. My oldest is Read More
What Keeps me Here
I’ve been thinking about the processes of starting and stopping, sliding and progressing, and even completely falling off the path. While the desire to move forward in a positive direction seems to have been planted somewhere deep inside, motivation is at best a flakey companion. I’ve had periods of time, okay decades, where I felt Read More
Stops and Starts
You stop: Waiting for next time to be different. Waiting for five o’clock Waiting to feel better. Waiting not to feel. Waiting for “good times” Waiting for “me time” Waiting to celebrate Waiting to live And you realize that: It is different Every hour is significant You do feel better Feeling is part of life Read More
I Know in My Heart
There’s a difference between telling yourself something, and knowing it. My brain, and I venture to guess yours too, offers a steady stream of commentary to either pay attention to, or reject. Thoughts about things I observe, how I feel, what I think I want. Most of it nonsense, really. This is also the commentary Read More
Passing storms and silver linings
My firstborn graduated high school yesterday. In an actual ceremony, at their football stadium. The day held all the feels, though more subdued and distanced than usual. Instead of, we came, we saw, we conquered, it felt a bit more like, we persevered, we rode it out, we don’t want to look back. Nonetheless, it Read More