Discomfort and Joy

Here in the thick of the holiday season, I’m feeling the confluence of discomfort and joy. I know it’s supposed to be comfort, right? “Let nothing you dismay…” Well, when you’re sober, you realize just how frequently the holidays present us with situations and circumstances that you’d rather drink away or through. When the old coping mechanisms raise their habitual heads, the sober warriors choose to sit in the discomfort until it passes. Sometimes it passes on its own, and sometimes we must choose to exit the situation to end the discomfort. Either way, it brings up feelings of awkwardness, pain or inadequacy. 

That’s the hardest part, the discomfort. But it is only by experiencing it that we are able to lift this heavy blanket and find the joy underneath, waiting patiently for us as a reward of sorts. I’ve realized that, when I drank away the discomfort, the joy part was elusive. I simply could not find it. 

So although this year I’m finding discomfort in:

• Holiday work parties with crappy white elephant games 
• Spouses work parties where all there is to do is get obliterated
• Waiting on a loved one’s test results and diagnosis
• My waist growing larger while my bank account is shrinking
• The dark that comes too early and stays too long
• A disconnection with organized religion and a feeling of aimlessness
• The cultural obsession with adding alcohol to every event and anything edible
• The message that things equal happiness
• The anxiety of family conflict
• The hustle of December

I am also finding joy in: 

• Frosty early morning walks, watching cedar waxwings feast on diminutive red globes of fruit
• The fragrance of peppermint and pine mixed with the enduring light of essential oil candles
• The sounds and scenes of old London in Dicken’s A Christmas Carol performed live at the theater
• The shimmer and grace of The Nutcracker through the eyes of my daughter
• The warmth of my dog snuggled against me as I read my latest, greatest book
• Decorating our home with the simple objects that have become tradition, and therefore treasured
• Holiday baking with friends and family
• Board games and puzzles and leisurely evenings with the all three kids under the same roof
• Christmas carols, hot cocoa, and lots of lights that shine in the darkness
• The hope of a new beginning, another chance and a mission accomplished

In wading through the discomfort, we find swirling currents of joy. 

Happy Holidays to you and yours!