Of all the positive changes you can make in your life, quitting drinking has to top the list. It is a keystone habit that, when eliminated from your daily routine, can allow everything else to fall into place. Anxiety? Virtually gone! Guilt and shame? A thing of the past! Feeling like shit and having no energy? Not anymore!
Once you quit, you have the time and motivation to take care of yourself: physically, mentally and spiritually. It really is a beautiful thing. However, do not expect the rest of the world to understand, encourage or even acknowledge this exciting metamorphosis. Especially not those around you who continue to believe that alcohol is the “almighty cure-all.”
Several months into my sober journey, still feeling buoyant and proud of myself, I looked around and discovered that nothing else had changed. I had changed, but the world, society and those around me all continued on, drinking their way through celebrations, stressors and daily life.
I noticed I was staying home more, not going out with my husband or friends; not having dinner at my parents’ place. And while that was probably a good thing, because I saw it as “protecting my sobriety,” it was also a lonely place to be.
I saw pictures of friends on Facebook, winetasting and apparently giddy with happiness. When Facebook informed me of events near me that I may be interested in, they would inevitably be a pub-crawl, a festival, Fireside Friday at a winery, or Blues and Brews. Suddenly, everything social involved alcohol…and maybe it always has.
“I don’t have a single friend or family member who doesn’t drink,” I complained to my husband one evening, as he and I watched “Modern Family Fridays,” “It’s not like I can’t be around people who drink,” I continued. “It’s just that would be nice if drinking weren’t ‘the thing.’” The thing that everyone else does.
It would be nice to not have every family dinner, every holiday or birthday, every social event or celebration be centered around drinking. It would be nice not to feel like the outcast because I am trying to do something positive in my life. It would be nice if someone (besides my husband, who has to) would say, “I’m so proud of you for kicking ass at this sober thing.”
Connection is essential to life and recovery. One of the things that is lacking if you decide that group recovery programs such as AA aren’t for you is the authentic connection that develops when you share your journey with others who are walking the same path.
I do connect with an awesome group of sober people on Instagram, and I get, and try to give, motivation and insight on a daily basis. I know it’s not a substitute for face-to-face interaction though, and should be part of my sober support system, not the main source of interaction.
Over seven months into my wellness journey, I know connection and in-person support is an important element still missing in my newfound, otherwise fulfilling life. However, it’s difficult to find a new tribe when you are a 44-year-old, working mom of three, wife of a workaholic, and a true-blue introvert. I can’t put “make friends” on the top of my already exhaustive To Do list.
For now, I am playing the role of my own hero.