I am walking on the beach, comforted by the steady constancy of the waves. Closing my eyes, I feel the warmth of the sun on my eyelids and my face. The wet sand gives way underneath the weight of my feet and collects between my toes. Opening my eyes, I scan the sand and find ceaseless treasures: the curled, burgundy bumpiness of a piece of Turkish Towel algae; the iridescent smoothness of a mussel shell; the perfectly random spotted pattern on a feather fallen off a busy shorebird. I breathe in the salty ocean mist and feel grateful to witness nature’s mundane magnificence.
This is presence. A recent moment at one of my favorite places. Presence over perfection is my new mantra, a challenge I am accepting as an alternative to the “try-to-keep-up” lifestyle that left me vulnerable to existing in the “if-onlys” and the “what ifs.”
From the time we are young, we begin to receive the message that we don’t measure up in some way, shape or form. We internalize the messages we receive from the media, our peers, and sometimes the adults in our lives about how we should look, behave, feel, think and be as humans occupying space in this world.
We accumulate these images in our minds about how life is supposed to be, who we are supposed to be, during its various stages. The popular girl. The creative co-ed. The supportive homemaker. The sacrificing mom. We’ve collected these ideals, yet there is a disconnect when we don’t feel like the roles society expects us to play.
What happens when we don’t fit the mold, the ideal?
When did we pick up the ruler that society uses to measure this unobtainable standard and start using it on ourselves?
A big part of what drinking used to be for me was this desire to experience “otherness.” To escape the current state of affairs and be someone and something other than I who I was at the time. I reached for the wine to numb out feelings of “less than” and search for a sense of “greater than.”
Then one day, I realized that my life was this desperate quest to escape the expectations of perfection that I had picked up and put on along the way. Expectations that I would never meet because they existed in the “what ifs” and “if onlys,” the past and the future, and therefore, were not real.
I was in a fine mess. Chasing unreal expectations…some perfection that doesn’t exist. Depending on wine to numb my insecurities or momentarily transport me to “otherness.” Meeting reality the next morning with crushing disappointment in myself.
For whatever reason(s) it becomes an integral part of our lives, when we are dependent on alcohol, it is impossible to live in or get meaning from the present. When the process of numbing begins, our focus turns inward. What exists around us is white noise. We may surface briefly, at intervals, but it’s probably nothing we’ll even remember the next day anyway.
However when we realize alcohol isn’t doing us any favors, that it does not in fact help us measure up or meet some unrealistic standard, our focus can change. Ditching the drink has nothing to do with giving up on an ideal and everything to do with embracing an idea.
The idea that we were not created to meet a standard, or fit a mold, or compare ourselves against some impossible image of perfection. In truth, we were created to be who we are right here, right now: perfectly imperfect. To harvest all the fulfillment we can out of the present because now is the only time we have to actually do anything with. The “if onlys” are over and the “what ifs” haven’t, and probably won’t, happen.
The present is our sweet spot, where we should be striving to live. It is only obtainable with a clear head and an open heart. It is our dream destination and it is always available.
Here and now.
The present is our sweet spot, where we should be striving to live. It is only obtainable with a clear head and an open heart. It is our dream destination and it is always available.
Lovely 😊
Perfectly imperfect. At least I can be perfect at that!
Beautiful post Collette xx
We can all be perfect at that! 😉 Thank you, Claire! Xx
Gorgeous post and I love the “perfectly imperfect” xox
Thank you so much, FG! Xx
This is really terrific, Collette. Agreed! If we get too stuck in the past or some “ideal” version of the life we are supposed to have, we’ll miss out on our ability to make the choices we want and enjoy our life now. And what a lovely writer you are!
Thank you, msnewleaf. It’s definitely a challenge to live in the here and now, but that’s what it’s all about, right? Xx
I agree, a lovely writer indeed. Love reading your posts Collette xx
Lovely post… thanks for sharing!
🥰♥️
Thank you Collette. I may need to borrow that mantra. 😄 Presence is beautiful yet so difficult at times. Especially with these overactive minds.
Yes, I’m already drafting a post about how difficult it is to maintain that presence and contentment with where you are. Thanks, Janet. Xx
beautiful and clearly expressed…i miss walking on a beach..it’s been years but it is my “home”.You are so lucky to have one nearby…breathe it in!
Thanks, Lovie. The ocean is a few hours away for us but there’s no other place I feel more at peace! 💕🌊
Ooh I was on the beach with you – lovely piece Collette 💞💞
Thank you so much. Yes! It heals the soul. ♥️🌊
Great post Collette. Bit annoyed that you wrote it and not me as it expressed quite a few things that resonated strongly with me. But I’ll have to live with that and strive to write as beautifully as you have in this post🙂. Jim x
Thank you, Jim! I’m glad you connected with it. It continues to amaze me how universal our feelings are wrestling with addiction and coming out the other side. We are united by this collective experience and it brings great comfort and hope! Xx
Beautiful and so well-written. Being present is a lesson I learned a long time ago, but life happens and I’ll forget until something difficult happens. That’s when I remember that being present is what got me through other difficult times. I’m hoping this time I can make it part of my life and never forget.
Your blog is lovely and I’m looking forward to reading more as I get time.
Thank you so much! It’s interesting that you mentioned being present through the difficult times, because that seems to be when people want to escape and hide. I think it’s very useful, and meaningful though, to be present when we face challenges. 💕
The way that being present has helped me through difficult times is that when I focus on what’s right in front of me, everything is usually ok. When something difficult is happening it has been my tendency to guess what this difficulty will do to my future and that brings anxiety and I would obsess about it making life miserable. Being in the now takes care of this. And it also takes care of obsessing about past things. If we are focused on the now it’s impossible to be regretting, obsessing, fearing or whatever negative feeling from the past or projecting into the future. That’s why it’s so helpful in challenges for me. <3<3 🙂
I love this! Thank you so sharing this perspective. You are so right. The last thing we need when facing challenges is to bring up regrets and past experiences or to project about what this challenge will do to our futures. 💕🌟