Today marks 500 days into my wellness journey of sobriety and personal growth. I decided to check in with myself and reflect on my progress. We get progress reports in school on our academic journey, and since I’m a teacher my mind thinks like that. Although organic in form, I find it helpful to look back in order to see how far I’ve traveled.
Progress is defined as forward or onward movement toward a destination. I like onward movement. It makes me think of trudging ahead with purpose, even when it’s hard. The “destination” part is less accurate, as I feel I’ll never really get there. But that’s a good thing, to me. So onward I go…
When I think about the progress I’ve made during the past 500 days, much of it is internal. It all starts with mindset.
The day I stopped drinking, I slowly started forming a new mindset, even if I wasn’t fully conscious of it at the time.
When you reject a lifestyle, you start to grow and blossom into yourself. When you start practicing independent thought and trusting that you hold the key to your own peace and wellbeing, you become a little stronger.
You begin to think like a leader instead of a follower. Instead of fitting in, blending in and staying silent in your own misery, you summon the courage to stand out and ask for more from this life.
I feel very grateful that this mindset shift allowed me to embrace the truth that alcohol does nothing for me. Not a single good thing.
That is not to say that I don’t ever look at people enjoying drinks at restaurant or on the beach and feel a little wistful. Or that I never think about drinking when I’m stressed out or in pain. The deeply rooted thoughts don’t leave,even if you try to pluck them out like weeds. They are automatic, and backed by decades of conditioning.
But I’m used to those thoughts and recognize them as faulty thinking, or stinking thinking, and I’m able to return to the comfort of non-conformity. Yes, being different has become a comfort.
I mentioned trust before and this non-conformity, this self-trust, has helped me embrace my individuality in other areas as well. I’m learning to follow my interests, even if they aren’t considered popular or mainstream…even if my teenager laughs at me. This is easier now because I no longer believe that society has it right.
Instead of something sparkly for my birthday, I asked for a good pair of binoculars so I can start taking bird-watching trips. Instead of watching Tiger King, I turn on BBC Life, and become fully immersed in the wonders of our world. Instead of getting ensnared my the gloom and doom of the present day, I research beekeeping and teach my daughter about the plight of the honeybee. Instead of propagating judgement toward people who don’t share my views in the form of social media rants, I propagate succulents.
So the theme of my life these days is peace, acceptance and finding my bliss. Not doing what other people do or tell me I should do. My thoughts are not concerned with people not doing what I do, but with how I can interact with others in a way that honors the individual.
We are all individuals with unique qualities we either choose to embrace or ignore. There is inherent danger in seeing people in groups or as a part of a group. The irony is not lost on me when I’m in public and look out over a sea of masked faces. Anyway.
Here’s the thing: sobriety has led the way to self-trust. Self-trust makes me secure in who I am and gives me the courage to cultivate who I want to be.
And who I want to be is constantly evolving. Not with dramatic, earth-shifting movements but in subtle ebbs and flows.
Over the past 500 days, I’ve changed my answer to the question, Is this all there is? When drinking was my priority and my prison, I found myself stuck in the spin cycle of “all there is”.
Now, the possibilities are endless. Forty-five is not too old, and the best is yet to come.
Here’s to onward movement.
Here’s to onward movement indeed my friend. I found this post really pertinent today as I have come through what I can only describe as a ‘rocky period’ in my journey. There has been a whole lot of stinking thinking happening that’s for sure. What you have said has stopped me in my tracks. When life changed for me after quitting booze the one thing I noticed and loved was that I stopped worrying or caring what others were doing and thinking. I no longer felt wound up that people had ‘better’ lives or that they didn’t agree with my opinion or views. There was a new acceptance. I’ve let that slip and your words reminded me of that. Thank-you x
I’m glad you found it helpful, Claire. I knew you were struggling and I knew you would come out the other side. We’ve gained so much by giving ourselves the gift of sobriety. That doesn’t mean things aren’t still difficult and our minds aren’t still out to sabotage. Be vigilant. Be grateful. Be present…all things you are great at. 😘
I love this! I so agree with everything you wrote, as usual. It’s funny that you said the destination part is less accurate, and feeling like you’ll never get there. I think I’m coming to believe (or accept) that there really is no end destination here in this world, and that is what makes life so exciting – if you let it. I love your thinking Collette… enjoy the weekend!
Thank you, Janet! Yes, it’s exciting to think that life is a work I progress and we always have the opportunity to grow and appreciate new vistas! 💕
again- this blog and all of you keep my in check with so much regarding sobriety. I have not been completely sober since sometime in May when i started caving to stress. At this point i haven’t relapsed per say but have been questioning how far down this road i want to travel ( drinking with pre set limits). i am not sure even this is in my bets interest , nor am i sure it’s a horrible thing to go easier on myself during this wretched time in the world. I am , however, very encouraged by many on her to keep watching out for myself in this regard…so ty! and Congrats on the 500-WOW!
Thank you, Lovie. Lots to think about, and yes do keep taking care of yourself and being kind to yourself during this wretched time. 💕
I love this post thank you Collette xx I love that you have found a strong sense of self and direction. I feel you should be proud of yourself. Your outlook is inspiring and familiar to reminisce of my thoughts on a good day! I shall also persist in this space and hope I can write such a post on my day 500!
Thank you for your kind words. I’m happy you found my post inspiring. Sending you strength and hope on your journey. 💕
I so love this and so get it. I’ve definitely decided to stop worrying about the destination, it’s more about enjoying the trip. You’ve done so well, you are such an inspiration. x
Thank you, my friend. You are an inspiration to me as well! 💕
This post really shows how free you feel now. I love it! Yes, to birdwatching and beekeeping and whatever else YOU care about regardless of what anyone else thinks. Wonderful. 🥰
Thank you, Leafy. Find what makes you shine and do more of that! Xx
Love this SO much : “The deeply rooted thoughts don’t leave,even if you try to pluck them out like weeds. They are automatic, and backed by decades of conditioning.” ❤️❤️❤️
Powerful words. True words. Amazing journey❣️🤗
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Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it! 💕
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