Promises, Perspective and Light

In times such as these, it is helpful to:

1. Remember that nothing is promised.
2. Put things in perspective.
3. Be the light.

No, this isn’t a cliche contest. I am not here to impress you with my lack of original thought. Rather, I aim to pull strands of wisdom out of time-honored, though well-worn phrases. In a world where nothing makes sense, we can cling to universal grains of truth.

Nothing is promised

When I am feeling short-changed or grumpy about how life is progressing, or not progressing, it is helpful to remind myself that nothing is promised. Our future? Unknown. Even the most immediate future. As humans, we possess this sense of built-in trust that our existence is secure, at least for the time being. It is a survival mechanism in our brains because if we went around believing that at any second our lives could end, we wouldn’t be able to get much else done.

This is an important default setting if we wish to continue to move through life and be productive, well-adjusted people. But every once in awhile the switch is flipped, we witness the fragility of life, and we consider ourselves blessed to be here and somewhat well.

This default gets switched off when we learn of someone young and healthy dying suddenly. It is turned off when we hear of a natural disaster where hundreds or thousands of lives are taken in one awful moment. Or when an invisible evil arrives, snatching our health, our freedom, and our peace of mind, with no sign of retreat. In times such as these, we do well to remember that nothing is promised, and we are lucky to be alive.

If we can’t predict our lifespan, or our fate, how can we be so bold as to presume that this life should be without complications, or even enjoyable? If we are promised nothing…we surely need to appreciate what we have.

Put things in perspective

Ah, I can remember my dear old dad telling me this as a teenager…but hang with me. After we have considered and accepted the above truth, that nothing is promised, we should then feel grateful to be here. When I’m feeling sorry for myself, or aimless, or like things should be better than they are, I like to look to really smart people for wisdom.

I don’t mean people like my old college professors…I mean life-smart people. I’ve been re-reading Man’s Search for Meaning and the words of Viktor Frankl. So. Much. Truth. And here’s where the perspective comes in: if a man who survived Nazi concentration camps and came out with an attitude of love and forgiveness for his fellow humans, surely I can persevere, and soldier on despite the less-than-ideal circumstances of life in America in 2020.

We may be feeling like a lot of things are out of our control these days. We may identify more with the flailing tortoise on its back than the fast and agile cheetah. But we are ALWAYS free to choose how we respond.

I will admit I used to practice the learned behavior of responding to discomfort, anxiety or sadness by trying to drink it away. I don’t blame myself though. In the words of Maya Angelou, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” The world is full of people doing the best they can because they know no better.

Growing up, I witnessed all the adults around me drinking their way through loneliness, depression or other uncomfortable feelings. Drinking and other passive aggressive behaviors were the model demonstrated for getting though life. If you could indulge in these behaviors and still put up a good front, all the better.

I am now learning how to sit with unpleasant circumstances and emotions. They are, in fact, more a part of life than the ideal, easy times. And it is only through leaning into discomfort and persevering through difficulties that we grow, as humans.

We need to learn how to accept the raw, ugly and difficult feelings and situations life throws at us, and see that the power lies in choosing how we respond. I am not advocating toxic positivity, but a change in perspective. A change in our role in our own lives. Instead of, Why is this happening to me? Try, What can I do to show up for myself or someone else through this difficult time? Instead of a victim, be a visionary. My victim role, old and tired out anyway.

Be the light

And it is in the response that we find action. When we claim our power to respond and that response is well-intentioned, or admirable, or performed in love, then we become the light. Little points of light in a season of darkness. Small glimmers that light the way forward. How do we get through all this darkness and uncertainty?

By being light. By showing up for each other in any way we are able. The way through is helping, not hurting. The way through is humility, not arrogance. The way through is healing, not wounding. The way through is loving, not judging.

There is so much darkness in our lives these days. The only way through is to be the light.