Recovery Spotlight: Women For Sobriety

A few days ago, I received a warm hug through the mail. My fellow blogger and dear friend Barb, sent me a Rosie Recovery Strong Women Coin to mark by second soberversary. And of course, a lovely card accompanied it, as it wouldn’t be Barb without the little extra. This acknowledgement of the two-year mark means so much to me, especially as I often feel like I’ve missed out on an important community piece found in recovery organizations.

As most who read my blog know, I did not choose to use a 12-step support program in my recoveyr process. In past attempts at sobriety, I attended both AA and Celebrate Recovery, and am familiar with the steps and meeting formats. While I am grateful for programs such as these, I never found a home in “the rooms.” I describe my sobriety as a patchwork recovery, taking various aspects of many programs, as well as wellness and spiritual practices that feel right for me.

This week, I came across the nonprofit group, Women for Sobriety and love what they have to say. Specifically, I felt that the 13 Acceptance statements authored by founder Dr. Jean Kirkpatrick in 1975, apply to my life and the organic practices and processes I’ve adopted on my own journey. I also think they are worth sharing.

Acceptance Statements:

1. I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
   I now take charge of my life and my well-being. I accept the responsibility.
2. Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
   My first conscious sober act is to reduce negativity in my life.
3. Happiness is a habit I am developing.
   Happiness is created, not waited for.
4. Problems bother me only to the degree I permit.
   I now better understand my problems. I do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
5. I am what I think.
   I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
6. Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
   Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
7. Love can change the course of my world.
   Caring is all-important.
8. The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
   Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
9. The past is gone forever.
   No longer am I victimized by the past. I am a new woman.
10. All love given returns.
    I am learning to know that I am loved.
11. Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
    I treasure the moments of my New Life.
12. I am a competent woman, and I have much to give life.
    This is what I am, and I shall know it always.
13. I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
    I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.

What first struck me is that I have subconsciously adopted many of these precepts in my own way, and it is affirming to know that I am on the right track. There seem to be certain concepts and practices that are successful in maintaining not just a sober life, but one where that includes fulfillment, happiness, and continual growth.

In any recovery process, we start with acceptance, as found in Statement 1 here. Denial runs deep and thick in active addiction, and to break the cycle, we must truly accept that we have a problem and take responsibility for that problem, and the process of solving it. We will never start the process of true recovery if we don’t accept the fact that we have a problem. Many people never get to that point.

Once we learn acceptance, we learn the art of letting go, which statement 9 acknowledges. We are now new people. The past is a briar patch we feverishly try to crawl out of once we come to terms with needing to move forward. Instead of struggling and becoming increasingly tangled and wounded, we must calmly step out of the painful patch with its sticky branches, wipe ourselves off and no longer be victimized by it. Those berries that looked so alluring weren’t even sweet. They were bitter and covered in thorns.

Statements 2-5, 11 and 13 have to do with mindset and perspective. How what we think, we become. How we can let go of all the negativity and drama that had a stronghold over us in addiction. How we can choose to create happiness, instead of waiting for it to alight upon us.

I love statement 6, which is life can be ordinary, or life can be great; my version is choosing to live rather than exist. Even a life that has been largely defined by addiction and substance abuse can be great! This is such a hope-filled sentiment, and one that can be realized. While I love The Serenity Prayer, the lynchpin in 12-step recovery programs, I’ve always been troubled and disappointed when I come to the lines that read, ” So that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever and ever in the next.” I understand the sentiment, but what if I want to do more with the rest of this new life than be reasonably happy? Our perspective has everything to do with whether or not our sober lives can be ordinary and reasonably happy or great and filled with enthusiasm for living.

And this leads us to statement 8, which is the reason we are here, and choosing wellness over illness. The fundamental object of life is to grow, emotionally and spiritually. Through a healthy recovery process, we learn about ourselves and our emotional deficits and shortcomings. We learn that we need to connect to one greater than us for our power and purpose and growth. In order to thrive instead of just survive. If we are not growing, we are not living.

Statements 7, 10 and 12 affirm that we must learn to love ourselves and to put love out into the world. People who battle addiction and come out the other side have issues with love, and it is precisely love that is instrumental in their recovery. Building our sense of self, trusting ourselves again, and discovering who we are form the foundation of self-love. Realizing we are competent and can do hard things. Loving ourselves where we are, as well as our potential. This is a process because self-love must move in and replace self-loathing. Also, we must discover how to love others authentically, as so much of the nature of unconditional love is blotted out by our addictions. Once we start truly loving others, we start to heal for real.

I wanted to share these with you in case you are interested in looking more into the organization. Based on their New Life Program, the group hosts in-person (though currently online) meetings, phone support, conferences, a blog, podcast, articles, educational efforts and volunteer opportunities. While I think the acceptance statements could benefit both men and women, this organization came about after it was shown that recovery rates for men were higher than for women. According to their website, WFS was “Founded by a sociologist who related over-reliance on substances to the loss of identity many women feel with competing roles in society, WFS believes that guilt, depression, and low (or no) self-esteem are common problems women experience for which substances have become the primary coping mechanism.” I feel like this is a valid treatment option for women who are struggling, and want to not just recover but address the mindset and perspective needed to truly heal and thrive.

Knowing that there are many avenues on which to found a fulfilling sober life comforts me greatly.