I’m glad I didn’t have any expectations around my second soberversary because it looks like it will be a party of one. COVID life is a great teacher of harboring no expectations. And while most people mark March 13 as the day the world shut down, I mark it as another year sober.
This day is also overshadowed by the fact that the person close to me whom I mentioned in my last post is still in the hospital, future unknown. Prayers gratefully accepted. All the people around me are part of this nightmare, and it seems wrong to remind anyone to pat me on the back. Also my husband is gone all weekend. He’s working his one weekend a month, leaving me with the kids and the dog to tend to. BUT…
It is what it is.
That is actually the perfect phrase to illustrate my second year of sobriety. By year two, I already experienced most of the sober firsts. I settled into a rhythm of day-to-day behaviors and habits that support this way of life. This year taught me to accept, absorb and move through. On day one of this year, we went into lockdown. A few weeks later I learned that my husband wouldn’t be coming home from his deployment. With the borders closed, he was delayed overseas another three months (seven in total). Life seemed to be saying to me, “I’ll stretch you thin and take away all your support.” What life forgot, is that I’ve been through hell, and chose not to stay.
As long as I’m sober, I can take loneliness, isolation and stress. With sobriety as the constant in my life, I have all my internal resources to accept, absorb and move through anything that comes my way. Getting sober doesn’t mean life will get easier, it means you will be able to handle what comes your way more easily. You will be able to see and say that, “It is what it is…” do the best you can with whatever cards you are dealt, and gratefully be able to play another hand instead of folding.
This year was really hard, for all of us. The difference between drinking me and sober me is the fact that I can go through this time knowing I am doing my best instead of living in a numbed-out existence. Without my hand permanently wrapped around the stem of a wine glass, I have both hands free to help another up, or help carry a heavy load. Without my thoughts held captive by my addiction, my thoughts are free to imagine and create and conjure up beauty that can live on a page after I’m gone. Without my heart frozen over by a layer of numbness, it has softened and can now feel the full spectrum of love and pain and beauty.
It is what it is. And sometimes what “is” is filled with awe and gratitude. While other times what “is” is filled with monotony and empty space. Whatever it is, I will accept it, absorb it, and move through it with faith and hope leading the way. Lighting the path, and carrying me when what “is” is all too much.
This year was a teacher, with me the sometimes unwilling student. This year humbled me and brought me to my knees, but instilled more in me than I’ve ever been willing to take in. Even though I’ve spent the year largely in the same physical space, I feel like I’ve steadily moved forward. Crawling is forward movement. At times it felt like I was being dragged, or maybe I was doing the dragging. Disappointment, disillusionment and despair all showed up. But now I know that I can move through them instead of letting them ensnare and smother me.
This year also contained beauty and light; peace and fulfillment. This year included babies, homecomings, family memory-making and college acceptances. Birthdays without the poison and with all the cake. Luminous mornings with a chorus of birds and a hand-painted sunrise I am so grateful not to have missed.
It is what it is. Sometimes that means terrible, no good and rotten. Sometimes that means amazing, inspiring and achingly beautiful. But most of the time it means accepting, absorbing, and moving through.
And as long as I’m sober, that is what I’ll do.
Beautiful post. Captured the year perfectly. ‘It is what it is.’ That saying can sound brutal at times, but it says it all. The continual movement towards accepting reality as it is, as opposed to fighting it. Congrats on the two years. Mighty achievement.
Congratulations! Well done and well said.
Thank you, friend!
I missed your last post Collette – thinking of you all and hoping they come through. This post is so on the mark – sober life is living with all its ups and downs, grounded and present and you express it beautifully. Your strength of spirit is admirable – congratulations for 2 years and here’s to many more! 💞💞
Thank you, DGS, for your kind thoughts and words. I know you’re living it with me! Here’s to many more!Xx
Happy 2 years, Collette! You are definitely my light and my rock in so many ways and I feel so privileged going through this life with you. There have been so many posts where we were right on the same path learning the same new truths and others where you inspired me to learn more. After all you’ve been through I hope you know you are one hell of a woman!!! A true Super Hero and a loving supporting friend . High fives and big hugs. 😊❤️
Thank you my friend. I feel the same way about you. You just keep shining that light and pouring out the love, even when it’s tough. And it’s been a tough year. My hope is that we can continue to spur one another on, and continue this journey together. You’re my sober hero! Xx
Yay! Happy 2 Years!
I know you have been a wonderful support for me as well!
More hugs!
xo
Wendy
Thank you, Wendy. It’s wonderful to think I can support you. I look at you as a veteran. I find many similarities in our outlooks and experiences. Yours was one of the first sober blogs I started to read. Your words lifted me, and made me think I could. Xx
This was just a wonderful post to read! I know this will be a re-read for me! Happy two years!! As said above I really appreciate your posts and support! You continue to inspire me and I am grateful for that. I will definitely keep you all in my thoughts! ❤️
Thanks friend. I always try to walk the line between being inspirational and authentic about “what is.” “What is” is hard for me right now, but I do like to stop and look at my progress and allow myself to just feel good about it. Grateful for where I am, hopeful about where I’m going. I’m fortunate to have friends like you who can lend feedback and support. Hugs to you!
Two years is so fantastic, Collette! You are an amazing person, and I am so glad I know you. Hugs! xx
Thank you, Leafy! I’m glad we are on this journey together and can support and encourage one another. Hugs to you!
Congratulations on 2 years Collette, especially after the challenges you faced during the last year. I love what you said – ‘accepting, absorbing and moving through it’ – it’s so honest and relatable. It also tells us there is no magic trick or mystery that we need to unlock to get past the difficult moments, we just have to move through it. Such an inspiring post, thanks for sharing! xx
Thank you, friend. Yes, I think that harmful coping mechanisms like drinking are meant to cover up having to “move through it” and the sooner we can come to terms with the fact that there is no easy way out, only through, the more we can practice and grow accustomed to feeling and dealing with difficult times. This is what we all try to avoid, but really the only healthy way is to go through. Xx
Beautiful post.
Congratulations.
Anne
Thank you friend. Your blog has been a huge support to me! Xx
Congratulations my darling as we celebrate you! <3
Thank you my lovely friend. Meeting you through my sobriety and blogging has definitely been one of the perks….one of the blessings. You have been a huge support and gracious teacher. I look forward to continuing the journey with you. Xx
The best part of Blogging is the souls you meet along the way. We light one another’s path. Thank you my darling. We travel onward. <3
Happy Soberversary Collette ❣️❣️❤️❤️🤗🤗
Compelling words. “It is what it is” is a healthy motto for everyone doing life. Period!
I loved how you described sober life keeping your hands free to help another, your mind free to create and your heart open to feeling ALL of life’s pleasure and pain. Living fully there!
It must break your heart to see people drift into numbness this last year when choosing alcohol to cope. You know the path they’re on and sadly we can’t save people who don’t want to be saved❣️
I have several people in my life struggling with alcohol and I just try to let them know I love them and they matter to me❤️🤗
I pray they are lead to “want more” for lack of better description!
I just love how you’re living life❣️ Carry on😘
Thank you, my friend. One of the best parts of sobriety for me has been meeting other bloggers like you to share life with. You are a source of inspiration and validation and I look forward to continuing this wellness journey with you! Xx
Agree dear friend ❣️
I’m grateful to have met you❤️❤️🤗🤗🥰🥰
Fantastic my friend ❤️❤️