My daughter really wants two things these days: her dad to come home and a Happy Napper. After seven months on a deployment that was supposed to last four, I am thrilled to report my husband is in fact coming home! This Sunday. So yes, Amelia, your daddy will be here soon.
The Happy Napper (not my husband but a combination stuffed animal/sleeping bag) is a bit more elusive. After hearing the advertising jingle during her favorite shows and listening to her beg like one of Pavlov’s dog’s each time it came on (oh, those marketing geniuses!) I finally acquiesced. I figured it would help with the transition back into her own bed, after camping out in mine for the past three months. She chose the pink kitten with the butterfly pattern.
It has now been three weeks and still no Happy Napper. The commercials continue to taunt her; all those smiling children cozied up in their furry friends, napping happily. I tried to explain shipping delays due to Covid-19. She is unmoved. She is obsessed.
Why do we always want what we can’t have?
One of the most unsettling things I’ve discovered through the process of kicking the drink is that our minds can be our enemies. Unnerving because our thoughts come from inside our heads and we tend to consider them a part of us. Why then, are we working against ourselves and our own best interests?
Well, it turns out that we are in fact NOT our thoughts. Thoughts are tiny bits of input and impressions and experiences that we gather from the outside world. Add that to our innate tendency to want what we can’t have, and the result is often self-sabotage.
We can look back to Adam and Eve, and the Garden of Eden to see how long this desire for the forbidden has been wired into our human behavior. Whether it is that piece of cake calling out to us every time we open the fridge, or the fancy new boat that blows by us on the lake, or even another person…we want what we can’t have.
If we tie this wanting to the expectation of happiness, the longing will tug at us even harder. Our minds set about composing eloquent arguments, even treatises, on why this is the answer to all our problems. The filling for that hole inside of us. The irony is that, in most cases, when we act on the feeling and take what we can’t or shouldn’t have, it brings us misery instead.
People who quit drinking have to overcome this mental phenomenon and make peace with the fact that there is this ubiquitous substance that society views as essential that we can’t have. If we make peace with it, the obsessive longing fades away and we are left with the antidote for wanting: gratitude.
Gratitude is an essential tool in a sober person’s toolkit, and I am making the argument that it is an essential tool for all people. It brings us as close to happiness and contentment that we are ever going to get, this side of eternity.
We can catch pesky, cunning thoughts of temptation when they flutter around in our heads and release thoughts of gratitude in their place. This causes our minds to surrender to peace instead of being hijacked by frustrated desire.
We can notice the thoughts when they arrive and recognize them for what they are. We can acknowledge that they don’t serve us. Then, we can call to mind something we are grateful for right here, right now. A butterfly lighting on a vibrant flower. A warm hug from a loved one. A baby’s laugh. The soft ears of a dog. The sweet taste of chocolate as it melts.
It is by bringing awareness to what we do have that thoughts of wanting and discontent are pushed away. Gratitude also has the added benefit of bringing us back to the present. What we want, whether good or bad, keeps us preoccupied with the future and triggers those feelings of expectation.
When we realize that all we have is this moment, we appreciate it for its fleeting beauty. When we focus on what we have in front of us instead of what we want, we are opening the door to peace and closing the door to self-destruction.
Be here. Be well. Be happy… even if your Happy Napper hasn’t arrived yet.
I love the poster about loving what you have. That one is too true!
Thanks Jim! An underestimated ability, for sure! 😊
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!! So happy your husband is coming home Sunday😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊🤗😊. So excited for you all. You should take this moment and honor the warrior you are getting it all done while working through being sober and being solo. I can only imagine how tough it’s been but YOU did it! Very proud of you, Collette🤗.
Okay..had to get that out first. Love this post. I’m starting to catch and stop many of these negative worry thoughts and instead focus all the goodness I have❤️
This comment made me laugh with joy! It felt like you and I were jumping up and down together with excitement. Thank you, friend, for your support and sharing in my happiness. You’re the best. 💕👍🏻
Fantastic post. Full of wisdom. I’m so happy your husband is coming home! What wonderful news. ❤️🥳
Thank you, Leafy! Your support has really helped me throughout this time! 💕
I’m absolutely thrilled your husband is coming home!!!! WooHoo!!!
Something that I’ve noticed recently is, there’s a lot of companies that are advertising like crazy, but can’t deliver. I’m waiting on a package right now that was scheduled for Monday, and then today. It’s still not here. Yes, Covid didn’t help, but some of the new companies are just poorly managed. I hope your daughter’s happy napper shows up just like her Dad. <3
Thank you, dear one. The waiting is the hardest part. 💕
Always. But worth it. <3
He’s coming home! Yay! I the happy napper will be forgotten for a while when Daddy gets here! I’m with Dwight – you should be so proud of yourself steering your ship alone these difficult months – I hope you have a wonderful reunion together. I’d never thought of gratitude as the antidote for wanting so thanks for that – when I find myself wanting I’ll flip it in my mind! I’m so excited for you! 💞💞💞
Thank you so much. You all have been a great encouragement to me and have lifted my spirits during the down times. Looking forward to some up times now! 💕👍🏻
I echo all the excitement for your husbands return!! And he’s coming home to a wife who’s been brave and strong for herself and his beautiful children 🙂
Great message. Gratitude is the best tool to have in everyone’s toolbelt!
xx
Thank you, Teri! So glad we’ve connected. Your encouragement means a great deal! 💕👍🏻
Collette, you are such a good soul and I enjoy and I’m inspired by your journey ❣️❤️
Thank you, dear one. And I am by yours!💕
Really pleased for you about your husband finally coming home. Grateful Collette in name and in nature. Lovely post. X
Thank you for reading and for your kind words.
I’ve already said it but I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!
Brilliant news and you have been amazing throughout all this Colette. An absolute star ⭐️. You and your family deserve the happiest of time.
We do want what we can’t have. It can torture us. I am learning to be grateful and appreciate the small moments. The cheap ticket items that really aren’t cheap at all!
How many sleeps now? 😃😃💕
Thank you friend! It’s one of those horrible situations you get through because you have no other choice but I like to think that is has taught me some lessons indeed showed me how strong I can be. You’re right about the cheap ticket items ending up costing us greatly.
Thank you for your ongoing encouragement and support. Couldn’t have made it without my WP crew! Three more sleeps! 😊👍🏻
Three more sleeps 😆💪🏻
How exciting Collette! Maybe the Happy Nappy will arrive in sync with her daddy. What a day Sunday will be! Your post is very true, a great reminder. 😘❤
I am so so happy for you. xx