And How Being Sober is an Advantage
We are living through unprecedented times. Pandemics aren’t new. Neither are dark times where humanity is tested. But to push a worldwide pause button in this day and age–where advancements in science and technology have brought us so far, so fast, and enable us to do so much “doing” non-stop–is certainly something historic.
When big things happen, world events that feel dystopian, too boundless to navigate and completely out of control, we react. Shifts occur rapidly and we take note. We adapt and try to find our equilibrium. We search for secure footholds and brace ourselves for the next wave…seeking balance in the lulls.
Here are some shifts–or trends if you will–I’ve observed, from a distance, people around me on social media and news stories. It also occurred to me as I was noting these trends, that it is definitely an advantage to be sober during times of global crisis.
Internal is the New External
Instead of focusing on outward appearances, we are turning inward, and focusing on health and wellness. To have the right shoes, accessories and spring highlights this year no longer wins the prize. To be healthy and stay well is what matters. Sunlight is no longer for tanning, but for the Vitamin-D that gives our immune system a boost. The purpose of exercise is a healthy, strong body and mind, not beach-body abs.
Sober Advantage: Sober folks who go out into the world are equipped with a fully functioning immune system, not compromised by alcohol.
Being is the New Doing
Probably the most outwardly obvious trend is that families who lived by a packed weekly planner now find themselves with a lot of extra time and nowhere to go. I exaggerate a little here, as moms still probably have multiple jobs instead of their normal half-dozen, but still. Even if we feel like we have a lot on our plates now with added homeschooling responsibilities, everything we do involves “being.” Being present for our children when they need help with balancing chemical equations, exponents or adjectives (See what I did there with the multiple grade levels?). Being present and participatory in our Zoom staff meetings. Being able to tweak our career responsibilities into a virtual format. Being role models for the people in our home who assume we have this figured out because we’re adults.
Sober Advantage: By not numbing our feelings with alcohol, we have become experts at “being.” Not being perfect. Not being put together. But just “being.”
Collective Good is the New Personal Achievement
We were so caught up in personal achievement before this hit, weren’t we? Climbing that career ladder, chasing those goals, grooming our children for greatness.
There is nothing wrong with achieving, but sometimes we need to stop and examine the cost. How often did we sit down to family dinner? What role were money and material possessions playing in our busy lives? Was our desire to succeed, to “win at life” eclipsing the importance of leaving a legacy?
Now, we are staying home and focusing on others, not ourselves. We are taking pleasure in small acts of kindness that make lasting impressions on people. Teacher drive-by parades, shopping for the elderly and vulnerable, making medical masks, raising money.
Sober Advantage: When we are in a place of recovery after walking (crawling) through the storm that is addiction, we want to turn around and extend a hand to those still struggling. Serving others is an integral part of a healthy recovery.
Family bonding is the New Socializing
Okay, this many not be fully by choice, but we are spending lots and lots of time with our families now instead of “going out on the town,” “girls’ night,” and “hanging out at the local tavern.” This is trying at times, but also very, very good. Our families can all use some quiet time, some togetherness, and those priceless heart-to-heart conversations that had become so rare when we had other places to be.
We thought we needed to escape and blow off steam, but when life slows down and there is time to do all the important stuff, the place we felt the need to escape from suddenly becomes our sanctuary. Our safe place.
Sober Advantage: People who don’t drink have already learned to be comfortable with themselves and being home without the need to go out all the time. In fact, when you’re sober, you view going out, socializing, making small talk and being someone you’re not a little exhausting, as opposed to snuggling on the couch with your tribe.
Gratitude is the New Comfortable
I’ll admit it for all of us. This experience has made me realize that I had become a little too comfortable with life and my circumstances. I had a full life with a job I loved going to each day. I was enjoying watching my kids conquer life as first, eighth and eleventh graders, and all the activities and events that went with it. I was eagerly awaiting my husband’s return from a long deployment. We had a vacation planned. Then this happened.
I’ve felt the full range of emotions that accompany unexpected difficulty. And I’m giving myself the grace I need to feel them (sometimes several times a day). But the feeling that keeps pulling on my pant leg, and tugging at my heart, is gratitude. And I don’t think I’m alone in this.
When things were rolling along effortlessly, gratitude was obscured by comfort, complacency and maybe a little selfishness. Now, I am reminded everywhere I turn that pain is ubiquitous; on all levels, ranging from inconvenient to fatal. And there’s always something to be grateful for.
Sober Advantage: When you get sober, you start to wake up and realize just how bad it was and how badly you don’t want to be in that place ever again. This brings you to a new place of gratitude.
Vertical is the New Horizontal
I know that sounds intriguing and possibly scandalous, so let me explain. As humans, we are creatures of comparison. Always looking side to side, at what everyone else has, does, wears, watches, and says. When a crisis hits, it’s scary and unsettling. Status and comparisons are suddenly not as important. The playing field is leveled. We’re all in this together.
So instead of looking around, we look up. We look up to a power greater than us. One that still holds the universe together. One that is all-knowing, all-loving, and all-powerful. One that can see us through.
Sober Advantage: One thing most of us accept through sobriety is that there is a power greater than us, working on our behalf, calling us not only to a new way of living, but into relationship, if we surrender our sense of control and choose to believe.
And what better time than this to choose faith over fear…
Wow. Outstanding! 💗
Thank you, lovely. Xo
Seriously Collette this is a fabulous piece of writing. Really important and uplifting for everyone to read but also, from a sobriety point of view it’s invaluable. It has reminded me of what I have gained and learnt from not drinking and how grateful I am to have had the opportunity to work through all that crap before this pandemic hit. I honestly feel much better equipped to deal with it now I’m sober. Amazing post. I hope you publish some of your writing some day xxx
Thank you so much, friend. Yes, in some ways I feel like we were groomed for this challenge by putting in the work we needed to to get sober. Strong and healthy, the gratitude mindset, the desire to serve, the ability to just “be” with our thoughts, and our families. And faith over fear. We will get through this, and be even stronger for it. Xx
I believe we will and like you say, better to have faith then fear. Xx
I agree! So many great things here Collette. “…we have become experts at “being.” Not being perfect. Not being put together. But just “being.” OMG that is so good and so true I have to save this on a sticky. Thank you! xoxo
Thanks, Janet. Yes! Being with our thoughts, feelings, cravings, family members, and the present moment. I’m glad I’ve learned how to “be.” Xx
very well written and enjoyable to read. i wish i could bring myself back to that. I sometimes feel like i am on the verge but then get irritated by something else. I believe that is happening to many on here as i have seen less posting by the usual cast & crew. I think in my case i am just afraid that my cynicism will overshadow any good i am trying for. Good on you for the reminders and positivity!
Thanks, Lovie. I’ve heard from quite a few people that they are struggling to write through this. I’ve wrestled with it as well, often posting and then feeling the complete opposite of what I’ve written. I think it’s normal to feel abnormal right now, as well as feeling all the feelings…
Great post Collette, I agree with everything you say until you got to the higher power stuff. That’s just me, I’m a committed atheist but respect that we all try to make sense of existence in our own ways. In some ways it would be nice to think you’re right on that count but if there is an interventionist God, he sure has some explaining to do. Really good points though and a great read. Jim x
Thanks, Jim. In writing about trends and generalizations, I knew there would be outliers in probably every category…and I’m not surprised you’re an outlier, lol. I’ll bet you’ve been known to buck a few trends in your life. That’s why I like you!! Xo
Ah but I’m woth you completely on many of the trends you identify, but yes I’ve often resisted many trends and conventions. But I really hope some of the things you identify do stick around once this virus situation is resolved. Let’s look after this planet and one another. X
I agree, Jim. Thank you! Xo
Nice piece! You had me right up till the last point: “…As humans, we are creatures of comparison. Always looking side to side, at what everyone else has, does, wears, watches, and says. When a crisis hits, it’s scary and unsettling. Status and comparisons are suddenly not as important. The playing field is leveled. We’re all in this together.”
That is not a human trait. It’s something learned and passed on, for sure, but it’s not something we all do. I am an example; I first look at what others have to give up to have what they do. The question is whether I’m willing to give up what I have to do what they did to acquire what they have. Put simply, I’m still doing what I do and have what I have. Once we factor in what has to be given up to attain more, well, that fixes a lot. It’s been a long time since I was in the “creatures of comparison” camp. I’m happily socially distanced from that one.
Thanks, Jim. Maybe I shouldn’t have spoken for the human race there… I should have said something like, “many of us are creatures of comparison.” I too, like to think that I’ve come a long way in distancing myself from “keeping up with the Joneses.” Writing about trends and generalizations never includes us all, thank goodness. That’s what makes life interesting. 🙂
Beautifully written, Collette.
xo
Wendy
Thanks, Wendy! Xo
You definitely hit on key points that are coming through to me, Collette. I do find it interesting how this might be bringing families closer together. I can only imagine how this would be playing out if I was still binging…NOT good! Glad I’ve got you and the rest of my crew here for support. Hang in there my friend you are doing an amazing job🤗
Hey Dwight. Good to see you around. How are you my friend? X
Howdy Claire. Doing good today😎. Hanging a bit behind the scenes…since the current scene is about a huge trip for all of us. Thanks so much for asking😊. I’ll post more on your site…
Thank you, kind friend. Yes, I’ve played that one out myself and it’s not pretty! I’m very glad I have you guys to read what’s on my mind, and provide feedback, support and wisdom. I consider each of you amazing, treasured friends. Xo
Super uplifting! I see myself returning to your post for support and inspiration. Thanks!! xoxo
Thank you, Leafy. You can always reach out for support, and I’m glad I could provide a little inspiration. Take care and stay well. Hugs! 🙂