A Different Kind of Pause

Squirming into clothes in a fitting room at Nordstrom Rack, finally resigned to buy shorts a size bigger than last summer, I look into the mirror and see my sweat-covered face sporting raccoon eyes from the crappy non-waterproof mascara I bought to save a few bucks. A snapshot of my life these days. It’s funny that I chose the word Pause for June because these days I’m full of a different kind of pause; the profuse sweating, fatigue, depression, anxiety, low sex-drive, weight gain around the middle and irregular bleeding that comes with perimenopause.

Honestly, I’ve had many of these symptoms for several years now, but this experience seems to be front and center these days. And I wanted to put it out there because it’s something that we don’t talk about much as women, and don’t think about much at all before it happens to us. It’s something that medical professionals don’t specialize in or bring up during visits. It’s something that men don’t consider unless there is a woman living under their same roof, who is going through it. For me, it has been confusing, frustrating, isolating, frustrating, a confidence-killer and did I mention, frustrating?

So I’m doing what I usually do when I can’t figure out something on my own…I read a good book. Amanda Thebe’s Menopocalypse is validating, educating, and encouraging, and one of the few sources of helpful information out there because, we don’t like to talk about it. So if you’re in the same bowl of cherries these days, I highly recommend it.

Speaking of pause, it looks like my Yellowstone vacation will also be on hold… for the second time. The majority of the flooding and damage in the area is in Montana, at the Northern gate, which is right where we were going to stay… along the swollen (I can relate) Yellowstone River. I guess the birds, bison and baths in the hot springs will have to wait. Currently trying to summon the enthusiasm for a Plan B. Or I could just camp out in my bathroom with my hairdryer blasting cold air into my face.

Love and Light.

P.S. I’m sharing some photos of a quick trip we took to Lake Tahoe, my happy place, earlier in the month. Because we need more happy.