I sit here early on a Saturday morning doing what I love best: reading, praying, reflecting and writing… all in the comfort of coffee and my little white dog.
Today I am reflecting on the fact that I’m 23 months sober, how all we need is within us, and the remarkable words of Amanda Gorman’s inaugural poem. And how it’s always about the journey.
The the journey contains this fluid process of darkness and light, both in our world and within us, and which we choose to let lead the way. In Gorman’s achingly beautiful poem, “The Hill We Climb” she describes America and the place we are in history, the darkness and division that has defined us and the bridges of light that we are positioned to build.
If we're to live up to our own time,
then victory won't lie in the blade.
But in all the bridges we've made,
that is the promise to glade,
the hill we climb.
If only we dare.
Whether it’s an individual journey or one set on a national stage, it always contains the struggle between an external darkness and an internal light.
Darkness surrounds us, looking for ways to wind its way into our lives. And we unwittingly consume it in our quest to fill empty spaces. Whether is it through words, substances, or images. It makes its way in through the weak points, and often overstays or overtakes our lives.
I consumed alcohol to calm, to numb, to soothe, to turn off my brain, but what it really did was turn off the light. I spent many, many years in the dark. Then finally, I tired of running into walls, or really the same wall over and over, and I switched on the light.
It was the light from within. And that is where the light comes from. Author Miyamoto Musushi wrote “There is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker or smarter. Everything is within. Seek nothing outside of yourself.”
Here is the problem. We live in and interact with this world. Therefore we are constantly looking for things of this world to satisfy or fulfill us. And inevitably, these “things” are little bits of darkness that we consume, dulling or eventually extinguishing our light.
I am not saying that I managed to switch on an internal light that caused instant brightness and drove out all the darkness. It is more of a dawning, a gradual lightness with an ethereal glow. The thing that saves us, is that we are drawn to light. The thing that empowers us is when we discover that light is within.
Struggle with darkness, consuming darkness, is part of the journey. No one is immune. But once we uncover our own inner light, it illuminates our path and makes us aware of our choice: to live in darkness, or be the light. As Gorman concludes,
For there is always light,
if only we're brave enough to see it.
If only we're brave enough to be it.
Congrats on 23 months of clarity and sobriety! You rock, Collette.
Thank you, Crystal! You’re pretty amazing as well! ♥️
A terrific meditative post. I guess this is always the challenge, to learn what to take from the world to sustain ourselves, and recognising what it is we already possess.
Thank you, friend. Yes, very true. 💕🌟
“I am not saying that I managed to switch on an internal light that caused instant brightness and drove out all the darkness. It is more of a dawning, a gradual lightness with an ethereal glow. The thing that saves us, is that we are drawn to light. The thing that empowers us is when we discover that light is within.” wow… love this. Love your writing, Collette. <3
ps You are the light!!!
As are you! 🌟
Thank you my friend! Always trying to uncover the light of the one who created us that shines within us all! Have a beautiful day!🌟💕
Congratulations to you.🥰
Thank you!!💕🌟
“Then finally, I tired of running into walls, or really the same wall over and over, and I switched on the light”- pure poetry. Hit me in a very intense way..thank you..and congrats on 23 months!
Thank you, Lovie. Glad it moved something in you. I’m thinking of you, rooting for you and sending you love and light! Xx
I watched Amanda’s reading of the poem at the Inauguration- it was so powerful and moving! I love how you’ve included it here. In response to your other quote, I remind myself often that it’s all within. Even before I pick up my phone, intending to take an action, I sometimes remind myself what I’m going to be looking at it for, the internal directive, because it’s SO EASY to get sucked in, or out, rather. To start ingesting unconsciously again. Great post.
Watching her read it is a whole other experience. She is poetry in motion, beautiful and bright. Such a gift. Yes, the external creeps its way in, when it’s the internal we should always be in tune with. Thank you, and I hope you’re well. Sending love… Xx
I was going to write just what Elizabeth did above! Your thoughts, wording, etc I just love! Thanks for that very uplifting post!!
I see Lovie quoted that part too! Also- Congratulations on 23 months!
Thank you for that, as well! It means a lot. Xx
You are so welcome. Always my goal and my pleasure to be uplifting! Thank you for your kind words! Hope you’re having a beautiful day. Xx
Congratulations on 23 months … amazing. You light up my life Collette 💕
Awww, same to you my friend! Been thinking about you. Miss your words. Sending love! Xx
Hey. I have actually had the best day in terms of my mental health I’ve had for a fair while which feels really positive. Baby steps and I’ll see what tomorrow brings but hopefully I’m creeping out of the fug. Thanks for the love 💗
SO glad to hear it, Claire! Day by day. Sending love and light! ♥️🌟
So pleased and proud of you. ❤️
Thank you, my friend. You are a light as well! Xx