A thousand miles away….
Seven thousand to be more exact.
It’s hard when the one you do life with is so far away for so long a time. So far that when we look to the sky he sees the stars and I see the sun. So far that we can’t meet in our dreams because when he’s sleeping, I’m awake. So long that we’ve had birthdays, holidays, new years, new drivers, sicknesses, ceiling leaks, lost teeth, flat tires, and seasons change without him.
My saving grace is that I knew this was coming, and that I would need to fill all the roles: teacher, parent, caregiver, homemaker and maintainer, transportation manager, event planner, coach, nurse and protector. I knew that my husband and children were counting on me, and I needed to be able to count on myself as well.
As God’s perfect timing would have it, I had the foundation of eight months of sobriety under me when he left. I knew I could be strong and do hard things. I knew how to focus on priorities (keeping us all alive and well) and how to let the little things go (we have had cereal for dinner a few times and might have skipped bedtime brushing here and there). I was already in the practice of taking things one day at a time, and not getting overwhelmed with thoughts of forever (or five months in this case, which seems like forever). Of counting days, celebrating my successes and being kind to myself.
I am already in the practice of using healthy coping mechanisms to manage my emotions, and step onto the elliptical machine instead of the wine train. I know when I need to reach out to my community and ask for help or companionship. I also accept offers of kindness when they come my way (and they do!). Childcare for my daughter to so I can socialize with grownups. Home-cooked meals for the kids and me. Chai tea lattes and catch-up conversations with a good friend.
I also follow a disciplined wellness routine, that helps structure my day and avoid overwhelm. If not for this head start on living a balanced, intentional life through sobriety, I would be in an entirely different situation right now. And it would not be pretty.
Instead, here I am, halfway through five months. I feel tremendously grateful that I can depend on myself to make it through hard times. That I am able to make the best of this the condition of being separate. I miss my husband dearly, as he is also my best friend, but I know that this absence is making us stronger as individuals, as do all hard things. I also know that we will appreciate each other even more when he returns.
The best part (look at me, I even have a best part) is that he will return home to find me filled with peace of mind instead of turmoil. Fully engaged instead of withdrawn. I know that I can navigate this life on my own, as I have had to do in the past. However, I am so much more aware of and thankful for the gift I received when God gave me a loving, supportive husband to walk alongside me.
This would be hard. How wonderful you are sober to support your family.
Hugs!
Love to all of you!
xo
Wendy
Thank you, Wendy! Your support means a lot! Xx
Gosh that is a long time to be apart and you at home being Mum and Dad and it sounds like your doing a fabulous job. So proud of you doing it all sober xox
Thank you so much. I’m glad I shared; it’s so good to feel supported. Xx
It is wonderful how you know you can do it and get through this very hard time so well! It is amazing how sobriety helps with hard things when you think it would be the opposite. Thank you for sharing. 🤗
Yes I think sobriety really helps you have faith in yourself! Thanks for reading! 🙏💕
Wow that’s tough Collette but fantastic you are doing it and doing it sober. I think you’ll learn so much and feel brilliant about yourself for handling it. Oh that feeling when he comes home too .. that will be something else.
Well done you
Claire xxx
Thanks so much Claire. We’re going to Disneyland when he gets home! (And a few days at Lake Tahoe with just me and him). Thinking of you and hope you’re doing well! Xx
That sounds like a great plan. I can’t imagine how hard it must be, coping with everything but also missing him terribly. Thank god you are sober!! Xx
Yes, TGIS 🤣♥️
It’s hard Collette when the one you love is so far away. I once had a girlfriend in North London when I lived in South London and it felt like galaxies away but 7000 miles puts that in perspective. I really like how you get so much positivity out of your life and can appreciate what you do have. Sounds like you are going to have some great times when hubby is back.
Jim x
Thanks, Jim. I may have left out the sob-sessions and pity parties I have for myself from time to time…but even those I can get through now that I am clear-headed and know that those dark day pass on their own. Xx
I think we all get those now and then but good that you know the dark days do pass . Jim x
wow..that sounds really tough…i envy your strength..i am always in awe too of those going through recovery with kids still at home.i just remember how stressful that was for me and i couldn’t imagine the added difficulties of all of this..you are a warrior!