When I was in high school, I loved the clothing store The Limited. I spent hours with my friend, trying on sweaters and jeans. She was a shopoholic and had more money than me, so she often came away from our trips with bags stuffed full of the latest line.
I remember one fall the sweaters were especially beautiful, and I begged my mom for an expensive OBR (Outback Red) sweater with the logo displayed boldly across the front. I came home from school one day to find the sweater waiting on my bed. No special occasion, just because. I felt so glamorous and special, wearing it to school the next day, falling inline with the rest of The Limited crew.
Labels are important to young people, and sometimes, they remain important to adults. Labels signal you are part of something, and people can respond to your label with acceptance or rejection. Humans like to classify and put other humans in a box. Humans like easy to figure out. Predictability. Conformity.
The farther I travel along my wellness journey, the more the idea of labels, and labeling myself bothers me. The more I find I don’t fit into a set of neatly defined criteria. And the more I realize that I don’t need to fit into a group with pre-determined characteristics to fill a need to belong.
Let’s start with the big ones: politics and religion. The two subjects we aren’t supposed to discuss. Also, two arenas chock full of labels and judgments. Often, we take on the identities and labels that our parents wear and raised us in. Then we grow, experience life and come to our own conclusions.
I was raised in a conservative household but no longer identify as conservative, or Republican, or with any political party. I read up on candidates and propositions, and I vote my conscience. I grew up going to an Episcopal Church, and while it is an important fact about me that I believe in God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, I do not identify with a particular denomination. Political party affiliations and religious denominations come with all sorts of judgments and associations that do not apply to me. So I don’t wear those labels.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I do not wear the label of “alcoholic” either. I attended a handful of AA meetings in the past, and never got past labeling myself as something I (now) no longer do. For me, it is disempowering to live out the rest of my days wearing the identity of a made-up term to define myself and my behavior or non-behavior. I know that AA works for many people, and is a valid form of treatment and recovery. I’m just explaining why it’s not part of the way I choose to recover.
I also see society’s use of the term alcoholic as a convenient way to separate “normal” drinking from “problem” drinking. It’s a false ruler that people can hold up and say “I’m not as bad as ______ “or “I don’t do ______, so I don’t have a problem.” The truth is, alcohol is a highly addictive drug and anyone who uses it long enough and/or frequently enough will become addicted.
The term alcoholic is no longer recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. It is now alcohol use disorder, to which there are varying degrees. While I do not believe I can ever be “cured” from my disorder (addiction), I do believe that I no longer have to suffer from it as long as I remain sober. That’s why I make my sobriety a priority every single day. And I don’t wear the label “alcoholic.”
Labels are so prevalent that we don’t even realize how often we use them. They identify our occupations, interests, and hobbies. These are the -er labels. Teacher. Gardener. Bird watcher. Runner. Writer. These words can define what we do, and what we like, but they can not define the whole of who we are.
The reason I bring up the topic of labels is because I believe there is inherent danger in seeing the world through pre-defined categories. When we put people into groups, and then harbor feelings and judgements about these groups, we are practicing de-humanization and opening the door to groupthink. Stripping away creativity and individual responsibility, and inviting in stereotyping and detachment. The Holocaust started with labels.
You may think this is an extreme leap, but I see these kinds of dangerous generalizations and thought clouds brewing on the horizon. Lines being drawn. Words being lobbed from one group to another. Hashtags, the ultimate form of labeling, branded across social media posts. “Conservative Evangelicals,” “Liberal Socialists,” “Black Lives Matter” “All Lives Matter” “f**k 12” “ACAB” “Antifa” “Unite the Right” “Maskhole” “Covid Criers” “Anti-maskers” “Mask Shamers” “Anti-Vaxxers.” Our world is ignited by the flame of divisiveness.
When we label others, or label ourselves, we are aligning ourselves with a group, with a side. In The Book of Joy, Doug Abrams writes:
This is one of the greatest challenges that humanity faces: removing the barriers between who we see as “us” and who we see as “other.” The latest brain research suggests that we have a rather binary understanding of self and other and that our empathy circuits do not activate unless we see the other person as part of our own group. So many wars have been fought and so much injustice has been perpetrated because we’ve banished others from our group and therefore our circle of concern.
The problem with labels is, while we may seek them out to define us, they never tell the whole story. Labels limit us to a set of characteristics and beliefs and most humans are far too complex to fit one mold. The fact is humans are far more alike than different, and our shared humanity should be the only thing that defines us. So if we insist on labeling, the only label we should wear is that of “human.” Our shared humanity brings us all under one umbrella and if we focus on this connection, we can feel empathy and compassion for everyone under the sun, living this shared experience we call life.
So provocative Collette!
BEAUTIFUL, thoughtful, insightful post! Labels are extremely dangerous.
I too am loyal to humanity and pray people will wake up and make this a priority too❣️❤️🤗
Thank you, Teri. I hope you are well. Xx
Thanks. I’m well. ❤️🤗
Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving 🦃
I am ok with using labels as required, recognizing they are just words. They are not me.
Our world loves to label things to put them into categories.
I try hard not to let that influence me.
Great post.
Anne
Thank you, Anne. We do love to label. And when we label, we judge. Trying hard not to put myself into a category, and to see people I meet and know as individuals, not groups. Hope you are well and staying healthy. Xx
Brilliant! Binary thinking seems to be so natural for us humans…and so numbing! That another will find it hard or impossible to empathize with me unless I agree with them is something I intuitively realize. And yes, we readily sort people into categories based on labels: categories which can severely limit a person’s will. Very insightful, valid points. Thought provoking post!
Thank you so much. Yes, I think the brain likes to classify into groups and things we know and then it doesn’t need to work so hard. But it is this de-humanization from individuals into groups that can creep in and be dangerous. Judgement always goes hand-in-hand with groups, us vs. them. We need to be intentional about seeing others as individuals. Thanks for reading and commenting!
I really enjoyed reading this! I really connected with it!! So, so true!
Thank you so much! Hope you are taking care. Xx
Labels do so much harm. They often start with the best intentions but then over time change into something which is so negative. x
We are way too into labeling these days. I think when things get difficult there is even more tendency for people to label, point fingers, and make judgments. Hope you and son are well. Xx
This is incredibly well written, and I agree with every bit of it. The Adams quote reminds me of Gordon Allport’s theories on Intergroup Contact Theory, and it, like just about every philosophical and psychological thought, can be fleshed out with Mazlow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Heady stuff, and right on the point. Sounds like you’ve got a good handle on who you are. Kudos, The world would be a lot better off if more people did, Prayers and peace,
Thank you so much. I think it’s really been bothering me lately that differences and division seem to be shoved up to the forefront everywhere you turn these days. Really, we are all more alike than not, and humans are mostly good. I wish we could tap into our similarities and share empathy and compassion with one another instead of drawing lines and pointing fingers. Prayers and peace do you and your family, and Happy Thanksgiving!
And to you as well. Are you available on other social media sites?
No…I do post a link to my blog on IG, but that’s about it.
What would you think about me sharing this on my site?
I’m glad you enjoyed it and want to share. Of course you can. 💕
This is a fabulous post Collette. I haven’t had much time to read posts in detail recently and I don’t like to comment unless I have. I find labels extremely worrying and all too often I come across parents desperately trying to ‘label’ their child, often because it’s is the only way they’ll access any help and support so very understandable. But it takes away so much of a child when they live with a label. Labels create boxes, which creates inflexibility and rigidity and also judgement. The assumptions we all make when we hear a label are dangerous and often incorrect but it is human nature. I too don’t define myself as an alcoholic. I have an addiction to alcohol but only when I drink. Thanks for sharing this xx💕💕
Thank you, Claire. I just feel like we should practice looking at people as individuals. I see that in education as well…people pushing to get their children labeled as something so make things “easier” or get more support, while the school system is pushing to make everyone the same. The truth is, we all learn and access information differently and quality educators present lessons in a way that is accessible to all, in whatever way that may be… As far as the labels and groups popping up everywhere you turn, how can we find compromise and practice compassion and empathy if we can find no common ground? Thanks for reading, dear friend. Xx
100% agreed xx
I wholeheartedly agree with you that we all have to stop seeing each other as the “other” if we are to move forward at all. Things have reached an extreme point, and I really hope we can somehow overcome it together! I am worried for our future. 💕
Thanks, MNL, I am too. I think we should address it in the classrooms. Character training. Practicing human kindness. Appreciating our differences and but seeing how we are all fundamentally the same. Thank you for reading! Xx
Wonderful post! Thanks for the reminder about The Book of Joy. It was already on my list, but sometimes I forget what’s on my list. It might make a nice Christmas gift for someone I know.