My middle son and I were in the dentist’s waiting room so he could get sealants put on his teeth. I stared down at my swollen knee, still sore from my surgery last week. We don’t often sit together and talk and I was listening to him lament the phenomenon of “maskne,” or blemishes on the skin under our masks. He plays sports and is a hormonal teenager, so I get that he may be suffering more than the average person.
“Blemishes are a fact of life,” I responded. “All you can do is clean your face twice a day.”
Blemishes are indeed, a fact of life. Ugly spots that overstay their welcome and tend to manifest in clusters. Eruptions in an otherwise calm sea. You could say that this whole year has been one long, continuous breakout.
This time of year, it is traditional to reflect on what we are thankful for. Many people take the time to keep gratitude journals or write about the blessings in their lives. The practice of gratitude is so impactful that it even benefits our physical health. Thankful people live longer, have lower blood pressure, and are more joyful.
If you’ve read my other posts, you know that when I quit drinking, I embarked on a wellness journey that has been both rewarding and full of self-discovery. I often reflect on gratitude and other habits of mind that help us thrive instead of merely survive.
When I think about the topic of gratitude in 2020, in our current circumstances, I notice how easy it is to give thanks for the “good things” in our lives. In fact, I often feel like my gratitude lists become a little trite and unoriginal. It is easy to be thankful for our blessings…but what about the blemishes?
What about the things in our life that are messy or uncomfortable or have led to great pain? If we are to challenge ourselves to be truly grateful, we must also be thankful for the pain and suffering we all endure in our own lives.
I would bet that most of our gratitude lists don’t include: divorce, health problems, pandemics, addictions, death of loved ones, sick children, unemployment, bankruptcy, or natural disasters. But if we are willing to peel back the layers and examine the ugly road we had to travel for a time, or maybe many times, we will also uncover the beauty buried in the ashes.
While no one would ask for the painful experiences they have had to endure, I am willing to venture most people can see the growth and new life that sprung from the devastation.
I never thought I would go through a painful divorce with two young children, my life forever splitting into 50/50. I never thought I would develop a drinking problem that led to decades of shame, regret and remorse. But those experiences opened the doors to growth, renewal, perseverance, and compassion for myself and others who struggle (everyone).
If I had never gone through the desert, I would not know how it feels to be refreshed. Nor would I know how to offer refreshment to others. In order to appreciate the good, we must first know its opposite.
So today, I am composing gratitude lists, in my head and on paper. These lists include the good, the bad, and the ugly. Because it is by living in the mess, blemishes and all, that we learn what it is to be clean, to feel love, and to understand peace.
So thank you, 2020, for the struggle and the suffering that lights the path to times of ease and joy that inevitably lie ahead.
Very true words indeed. Something to think about as well. X
Thank you for reading! 🙂
A wonderful post for the eve of Thanksgiving! I think being grateful for the hardships that changed our lives is a true gift taught/learned in recovery. It’s definitely tougher when we haven’t reached the other side yet, but knowing it’s there, and that we’ll be better and stronger when we do, helps us pre-appreciate the mess and anticipate the blessings to come. Happy Thanksgiving woman! And p.s. just a funny note: I was actually over the top happy and grateful for my divorce. Sometimes we see the good right away! 🤣😘
Thanks, Janet. That is really true about really taking in and receiving the gift of gratefulness through recovery. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving. And yes, there are definitely blessings in disguise that are in fact pretty obvious! Xx
A lot wisdom you have shared in this article. Thank you for your transparency. You’ve sparked something in my thoughts regarding being grateful for the good, bad and ugly. I keep a gratitude journal and record daily. I’m realising now I’ve always tried to find good and positive things to be grateful for but now I’m encouraged to take a different approach, thank you for writing. I’ve followed your blog. You seem to have a lot of value to share.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Darren. Yes, I think that to appreciate the full concept of gratitude, we must look for the silver linings, and opportunities for growth in our struggles and failures. Even suffering brings us a greater appreciation of what others are going through as well. There is good in all of it. Looking forward to checking out your blog as well!
I like that and it’s so true that even in the midst of failure it does bring more advancement in growth. We are more appreciative. There’s always something to be grateful for. Thanks, look forward to your feedback
Very true ♡♡
Thank you! 🙂 Xx
I love it, Collette. I want to do the same this Thanksgiving and give thanks for the painful things as well. I like the idea of choosing to grow from negative experiences, and I think many of us do, even if we don’t always think about it that way. ❤️
This does seem like the time to start mining for diamonds…looking through our difficult experiences for meaning and value. It’s there, if we look. Thanks, Leafy!
well said and excellent analogy. we don’t often remember to be grateful for all of our experiences. I have many times had to sort thru my own and find the good in them..thanks for this and Namaste!
Thank you, Lovie. Life is certainly giving us lots of opportunities these days to dig for the good buried in the difficult. Hope you are well. Xx
Spot on, Collette. Definitely a Truth I learned along the way. It was the only way for if nothing changed I’d still be stagnant hanging on my lily path. Getting nocked off was the only way for growth for me. Theses blemishes remind us of how far we’ve come and the true blessing in disguise they were.😊❤️
Thanks, Dwight. I totally agree. It may not feel like it at the time, but going through the hard stuff is what refines and grows us. Hope you are well! Xx
What a great post to read this morning! Thanks, Collette!
Thanks for reading, Jackie! Xx
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A number of years ago my pastor said, “The struggles strengthen us.” It’s a motto I carry forward.
Amen to that. You’re living it right now. Xx