Sometimes, It’s Nothing

Do you know what I did today? Nothing. To some that may sound boring or unambitious. But for me, it was self-care, and surprisingly satisfying. Life has returned to its busy bustle, and I’m going to take a page from the pandemic playbook and incorporate days of nothing when I can.

My week includes working, meal planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning, exercising, driving kids to practices, walking dogs, running errands, helping with homework, doing laundry and completing other miscellaneous tasks that accompany being a wife, teacher and mom. I did not heed the warning signs of shallow breathing and toxic thinking and ended up going back on anti-anxiety medication. In the past, drinking me would be making trips up and down the stairs each evening to self-medicate with wine in my closet.

My husband is away this weekend and before he left asked, “what are you going to do this weekend?” When I told him I didn’t have an agenda, he suggested we do this or that, trying to be helpful. But I kept mentally shooting down suggestions and ideas, putting off anything that might try to make it’s way into the essential category.

So yes, I prepared food for the kids and exercised. But beyond that, I browsed through my favorite used book store with my daughter, then came home and read and took a nap. For some reason, I’ve always had a hard time justifying resting, relaxing and reading.

“I love reading,” said my 8-year-old in the bookstore. “I do too,” I said enthusiastically. “But I feel like every time I do it,” you or dad will think I’m lazy.” She looked at me like I was crazy. “Mom! You are NOT being lazy,” she insisted. “My teacher says reading is exercise for your mind.”

While there is not much I like to do more than curl up with a book and exercise my mind, I struggle to give myself permission to do it. But I’ve realized that’s just another form of stinking thinking that I’ve inhaled and absorbed. If I’m obligated to join the rat race again, I’m determined to weave in days of stillness.

I do this for my mental health. For my enjoyment. To nourish my soul. Reading and resting and maybe spending hours on an intricate jigsaw puzzle with a cup of tea are now as important to me as working and playing. It may not top the productivity checklist, but these are are ingredients to my peace-of-mind. And if I don’t protect my time and get intentional about doing “nothing,” the to-do lists will easily fill it.

So I encourage you, as we get back into the busy-ness that living in this world demands, to give yourselves permission to do nothing.