A few days ago, I traveled to the Bay Area to a small private college tucked away in the affluent town of Atherton. My son, his dad and I had an appointment to meet the men’s volleyball coach and tour the campus.
The coach and my son have been exchanging emails since my son sent him film from his tournaments. We felt hopeful, and interested to see if there was any way he’d be able to make this college within our reach financially.
As we toured the campus, I enjoyed watching my son be a “grown up,” interacting with the coach and speaking for himself. He will be 18 in a few months and lately I feel in awe, both by his physical presence and the way he is maturing. Instead of playing the role of caretaker and nurturer, I am now having conversations with him at a mutual level, and watching him take care of himself, and even others.
He hasn’t walked the easiest road, growing up in our family. Having a dad who was addicted to drugs and a mom with a drink problem didn’t lend itself to a carefree childhood. In his college essay, he wrote about how he often felt the pressure to take care of his little brother and try to hold everything together.
But hold it together he did, and more. He played basketball, and then volleyball as one of the best on his teams. Now, at 6’5”, and just shy of 18, he sat at a conference table at a reputable college, with the coach extending a contract, a pen and a very generous offer.
My son, being the careful overthinker he is, told the coach he was definitely interested, but wanted to go home and pray about it and make sure everything was doable for his parents. I sat on my hands and closed my mouth, bursting with pride inside over the young man sitting next to me. The investment that the coach wants to make in my son will make his dream (our dream) a reality. And, most importantly, it’s close enough for me to go watch him play.
On the way home, I thought of him as a chubby baby in his crib, babbling to his stuffed animals. I thought of him in his rubber boots on his toddler bike, stopping under the oak trees to collect acorns. I thought of the way he used to line up his little bears in rows in our hallway, pretending they were in class. Or how he saved up money and begged for trips to the baseball card store to add to his albums.
Now, I think of him heading off on his own in six months. How sad I will be without his calming presence. But I also feel like I can finally exhale. Part of me has been waiting all this time, since he was three, for the inevitable manifestation of what parents’ divorce and substance abuse does to kids. And now I feel like I can finally acknowledge the success story he has been writing on his own all this time.
I think that what saved him, what saved us, is love. We fell down many times and were at some points nothing but broken pieces. But we managed to rise up, see the light and hand over the broken bits to God. And in God’s hands, broken pieces become not only mended, but stronger where the fractures were. And we are living examples of this.
I’m so grateful that instead of turning toward resentment, or imitation, or apathy, my son turned toward love. And now all I see when I look at him is light.
Absolutely beautiful and congratulations to your son! My daughter had a rough go growing up in her high school years. Mostly due to very low self esteem. She is in her second semester in college now and what a proud mom I am at how well she is doing. Some parents cry when their kids leave for college and although I miss her around home, I am just happy that she is finally happy. This world needs love like your son has! ❤️
Thank you so much! That’s all we really want, to see them happy! I’m so grateful things are playing out this way, instead of the other ways things could have gone. I know you are too! I’ve long heard that “parenting is not for the faint of heart” and I believe that to be so. Love and light to you, friend. Xx
You are so correct! Love and light back to you Collette!! I’m currently rly done my house night chores. Oldest is going back to college tomorrow ( she is 18 ) and youngest is just about 17 and they are playing Wii. It’s very wholesome.
My internet is being weird I see, storms here. Why there is an additional rly I do not know. Lol
I love those times!!
Definitely was shaking my head yes reading this. I can so relate. So happy for your son and you all. Your love was able to shine through the darkness – always❤️
Thank you, Dwight. I know, as a sober parent and one who’s been through divorce, you understand the exhale. Love and light to you! Xx
Challenges build character and your son CHOSE to take responsibility for what was within his control and sort through the emotions that come along with struggle.
He appears to have learned a most valuable lesson of turning a struggle into a strength. I cannot imagine your sobriety hasn’t had a positive impact on him, as well as inspiring, to see you work through your recovery 😍
A formidable young man who deserves all the fruits of his labor. Wishing him all the best❣️
Your love and pride are palpable Collette ❤️🤗🤗🥰
Thank you my dear friend. Your comment brought tears to my eyes. I’m just so thankful that he chose to seek out the larger truth instead of getting discouraged by his circumstances…maybe in a way, I did teach him that. A lesson for us all. Love and light to you, Teri! Xx
Collette, you ARE a wonderful person❣️🥰
Lessons come in many forms and we, as parents, do our best. It’s not an exact science and we can’t expect perfection. Just do our best. And your fantastic son has showed you that he’s more than fine. He’s thriving. What a gift 😍
I so agree…what a gift! Xx
So beautiful. I hope you tell him just how impressed and proud of him you felt.
My son will also be going away to university in September. He has been accepted into engineering. He has turned out to be a lovely, interesting and self confident man.
It is amazing to see them grow up.
Life and love.
Anne
Isn’t is amazing, Anne? Congratulations to your son… he wounds like a wonderful person. Love and light to you!
That is so awesome
Thank you, my friend.
Thank you, my friend! WP won’t let me like your comment! I do really like it though!
That is fantastic Collette, I am delighted he got his wish. He obviously gets his strength, maturity and love from what you have modelled for him. Well done to you xx
Thank you, friend. I guess all we can do is the best we can…and I’m so glad we can change what we model for our kids mid-course. He didn’t have the easiest beginning but I think we are both making up for lost time…
You definitely are, enjoy every minute xxx
Just beautiful, Collette!
xo
Wendy
What an amazing son and the evidence of a loving God who makes everything right! ❤️ Great job, Mama!