We Can Do Better

I published this article on Medium a few days ago and I thought I’d share it here. It is in response to America’s efforts to move forward out of this pandemic, and the shameful events that have come to pass since the cold-blooded murder of a black man by a white police officer. My heart is heavy these days…

“Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.”

–Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is the season of completion and accomplishment. A time to celebrate our young people for their hard work and for making the most of themselves. Yet the advice to be all you can, follow your dreams, and seize the opportunities that lie ahead feels hollow. A cacophonous clanging rather than an ode to opportunity.

The air is charged with judgment and division, these days. Finger pointing and wagging. We’re emerging from behind closed doors, trying to make our way forward but stumbling and pulling one another down in the process. We are trying to hide in the safety of our bubbles while other bubbles burst around us.

This season of graduation, where we recognize the accomplishments of our young people and our young people seek to further define themselves and their futures, coincides with a time when our country is defining itself in an ugly and shameful way. A way that says it’s our job to hurt, and even kill, each other. A way that says it’s okay to yell at a stranger, judge your neighbor, or swear at people employed to wait on you at the store. A way that says justice no longer lives here so we must take things into our own hands. As a nation, we can do better.

I am a mother of three and a lover of peace. I can no longer read (let alone watch) the news without being filled with fear, disappointment and dread. I can no longer have certain conversations with loved ones because the divide has grown so deep and wide that the other side is a foreign landscape where there is no common ground. And, most achingly in all of this, when my teenage son comes to me to try and process things that he sees and tells me he feels angry and confused, I can no longer find a rational, defensible answer with which to reassure him. As a nation, we can do better.

My husband is in the military, stuck overseas because of COVID-19. He’s been gone since November and was due to return in March. I also quit drinking over a year ago. I’m handling this all on my own. Sober. During my husband’s absence, we’ve been through holidays, birthdays, the death of a family member and a friend, one of our parents’ separation, flooding in our home that caused major repair and renovation, and a global pandemic. This last year has taken every ounce of faith and strength I have to get through. As an individual, the struggle has made me stronger. As a family, we’re struggling, but remain hopeful.

As a nation, we’re struggling and it’s bringing out the worst in many of us. As a nation, we can, and desperately need to do better.

We are not making the most of ourselves during these uncertain times. We are letting fear, judgment and hate get the best of us. Is this how we are teaching our children to behave in the face of adversity? That the authorities can abuse their power to the point of murder? That ordinary citizens can police others who aren’t wearing masks, or following any number of hastily made up rules and restrictions? That it’s okay to yell, swear and point fingers at someone else if they don’t fall in line with how you feel they should behave? That returning wrong with wrong is somehow right?

I don’t have a tidy solution. I do know that hate, judgement and fear need to be replaced with love, empathy and understanding if we are going to attempt to rid ourselves of this miasma that even masks don’t alleviate. As a nation, as adults, as human beings on this planet, we have to do better.