The world is opening up again, and with that comes activities, events and obligations. Enter the busy life. I love this quote by James Clear on crafting your schedule. “Saying no saves you time in the future. Saying yes costs you time in the future. No is like a time credit. You can spend that block of time in the future. Yes is like a time debt. You have to repay that commitment at some point. No is a decision. Yes is a responsibility.” I want to be careful and intentional about filling my life back up with responsibilities.
Before the pandemic, I was the typical taxi mom. Some of that took care of itself when my oldest got his license, and some if it no longer existed because activities were non-existent. Looking ahead to this summer, I don’t want to once again slip back into the person with a long list of to-dos every day. The problem with this kind of living is that when you move through your day checking off boxes, you fail to absorb the joy and fulfillment that comes with living in the present. Because you have to get this done, and move on to the next thing. And you don’t really want to do x, y, z, but you “have to.”
When I was drinking, my life was a series of boxes to check off to get to the end of the day, when I could numb and check out. It was getting by with the bare minimum. An existence. A lot of half-assing. Back then, my motivation was to drink.
Now that I’ve stopped, I find the need to check my motivation when I say yes to something, and create a responsibility for myself. I don’t have the desire to drink but I find that often the desire to please others, or to do things for the sake of appearance can creep in. The comparison trap. I have to work out five days a week, because that’s what others do and if I don’t I’ll just be falling behind. I have to attend all of my kids’ sports activities or I’ll be seen as a bad mom. I have to go to this event, or party, or dinner because if I don’t I’ll be a bad friend. I have to post at least three times a week or I’ll be a bad blogger. I have to read my Bible and pray every morning or I’ll be a bad Christian.
Soon, I’m living my life because I have to, not because I choose to. And when we go through our day doing things we feel obligated to do, it leads to detachment and less than our full effort. Just get it done. Eat, sleep, repeat.
On the other hand, if our motivation to do something comes from a place of choice, or choosing, we feel invested. Our motivation is in line with our thoughts and feelings. We uncover joy in the little things, because we are present and operating from a place of gratitude and intention. We all want to be doing things we choose to do, rather than have to do.
That’s why we need to take our thoughts captive when they start to drift into a place of comparison, obligation and pleasing. I don’t need to do something because everyone else does, or so-and-so’s mom does, or out of guilt if I don’t. These motivations will never fuel my day with satisfaction.
In order to truly live and feel like life is worthwhile, we need to stop doing what we should be doing because someone said so (or our own mind makes us feel so) and start doing things we enjoy, are invested in and believe in.
As we re-enter the world of busy-ness, lets remember to be careful what we say yes to, and why.
Great post Collette! I never over commit but I find myself looking through Facebook and feeling as though I’m missing out because people are all somewhat “busy” again. It’s all in my head because of my inclination to compare! Thank you, this was a great read for me this Sunday morning.
Thanks Janet. Yes, the tendency to compare and want to keep up with is such a human experience. I’m resisting the urge to book vacations, as it seems like what “everyone else is doing!” Take care friend! 💛🌟
i am def being very careful, and not just because of the virus.I feel like i have been in a cave for a year and need to emerge slowly , staying aware of my environment. I just dont understand how people can just get right back into all the busy busy!
Thanks Lovie. I think when you have three kids at home you kind of get dragged back into the busy busy, once things start up again. It has taught me to be more selective with what we sign up for, and make sure it’s something truly important to them, not just a way to pass the time. 🌟💛
I can so relate to being a taxi mom and so not want to go back to that daily routine again. I remember always being so exhausted. Where I live basketball is huge in our school. You play it in season and off season, basically all year round. Plus you basically have to play year round to keep up with other players abilities. Travel teams are our off season choice. Literally you play basketball all weekend and drive far distances to do so. Weekdays practices are closer, maybe 30mins away. Anyway, I just have one daughter who will be a senior next year and she said she doesn’t want to go back to all that. I was definitely relieved! Thanks for a great read this morning!
Thanks friend. Yes, I think the kids have learned through this experience too. To be more selective with their time. 💛🌟
I’m definitely being careful as the world opens up but also remembering to live in the present and do things that work for me and not for others more. Great post. Can’t relate to the taxi mom experience but it’s something to learn and take from
Thanks Darren. Yes, learning to live in the present and do things that work for you, not just out of obligation, is really important.
Fabulous post and a great cautionary read as the US continues to reopen. Choose carefully how we spend our precious time.
Comparisons create shame or pride. Obligations hold us captive.
Choosing with love and compassion and sincere interest are the foundation of creating a peaceful and content life and is living authentically❣️🤗
Thank you, friend! 💛🌟
It’s definitely opening up here. Maybe a little too quickly. But it will take many a lot if time to readjust again x
Yes, it’s still hard to know the “right” thing to do. Xx
Really enjoyed this post Collette. It has certainly been a change .. getting back out there. I’ve dropped many of my positive habits in recent months. Not sure why but I know I need to kick start life again. I love James Clear. He makes so much sense. As do you my friend, always xx
I’m struggling with some of my positive habits as well. I guess we just need to keep trying, and be gentle with ourselves. I am going to try to be more selective in what I say yes to though. Xx
I think that’s a really good start. Not overbooking or overwhelming myself is always far more positive for my mental health. Xx
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