Mother’s Day is a few days away, and here’s the status: I have yet to hear from my father or sister regarding plans for my mom (the next day is also her birthday), my two sons will be at an out of town volleyball tournament, and my husband’s siblings have invited him (singular) to lunch to celebrate their mother.
Let me preface what I’m about to write with the acknowledgement that I’m not looking at this situation through a lens of grace and gratitude, but instead find myself with a very human perspective. I don’t need a day.
To me, holidays like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and Valentine’s Day are invitations for expectation and disappointment, and sometimes even grief and depression. If you don’t have a mother, father or significant other in your life, all you feel on these days are lack and emptiness; a day set up to celebrate what you don’t have but it seems everyone else does.
If you do have people in your life to celebrate on these days, there is a whole spectrum of relationship quality that enters into the picture. What if your relationship with your mom, dad or significant other is unhealthy, or full of baggage, or even just not that great? Enter obligations, expectations, disappointment and falsity.
Then, you have the category I find myself in. I love my mom and my mother-in-law. I am a wife and a mom. I feel like I’m traveling down the road of wellness, and am making progress in the personal growth department. But still. I find myself disappointed that my kids will be gone. Expecting my husband to arrange a day centered around me. And obligated to spend the day with my mom, which also includes my sister and let’s just say our sibling relationship is a bit fake at best and non-existent at worst. Disappointment, expectations, obligations and falsity…. and I know better.
Which brings me back to, I don’t need a day. I’d rather not have it if it provokes these unsightly feelings. I mean, who even invented this holiday anyway? It turns out, according to History.com, that “The American incarnation of Mother’s Day was created by Anna Jarvis in 1908 and became an official U.S. holiday in 1914. Jarvis would later denounce the holiday’s commercialization and spent the latter part of her life trying to remove it from the calendar.” So the person who made Mother’s Day a national holiday spent the rest of her life trying to make it go away. Thanks, Anna Jarvis, whoever you were.
I have the greatest respect for the role of motherhood and its place in our world. My wish for all of us moms out there is that we don’t get our validation from a day, but from the vast collection of little moments of connection and love between our children, spouses, parents and grandparents. And if you are in the category of motherless or childless, or have people in your life that fill those roles but are unhealthy people, please know that a day cannot make you less of a person or diminish you in any way.
We don’t need a day. We need memories and moments and opportunities to rest in authentic appreciation and fulfillment. I hope you all get that opportunity soon, even if it’s not on Sunday.
I find it sad that retailers have stolen every special day, and turned them into a shopper’s nightmare. My son did get me a gift that he knew I’ve been wanting. A bird bath to replace the cheap one I broke. But, that material gift, can never overcome the gifts he gives me daily. Being here for me, helping me in my many moments of imagined crisis. Taking me out to eat or any of the other innumerable things that he does for me. Those are the best gifts. I too, get annoyed at all of the commercials, ads that show in the mail on radio or TV. Those if you don’t purchase this, you are a bad person propaganda make me crazy because it is wrong. But then, that’s my rant and I’m sticking to it 😉
Yes I totally agree. I didn’t even touch on the commercialization aspect of the day. People buying the narrative that they must present their loved on with presents. What we really want (and need) can’t be bought. Sending love your way, not just tomorrow but every day! 🌟💛
Thank you. I wish, when my husband was alive, that I could have gotten him to understand that, but for him, it was easier to spend on material when material was the last thing I needed. Much love returned.
You are simply wonderful, Collette. I took a deep breath inward feeling all the love within and around you and then my soul exhaled joy.😊
Thank you my dear friend. You are one who appreciates things as they are without expectations. We need more of you in this world! 🌟💛
I’m with you, sister!
Thank you my friend! 🌟💛
Agreed, over here as well. :)) xoxo
Thank you, dear one! 💛🌟
🥰🙏💗
We can treat everyday as a special occasion. As Mother’s you are right, we don’t need a day. In my mind, everyday could be considered Mother’s Day, but that one day does give my daughter an excuse to pause and give me some extra attention. She gets to take that one day to salute Mom, and I’m digging it. Happy Mother’s Day darling. xxx
Thank you friend. Enjoy your daughter and your day. 🌟💛
Happy Mother’s Day Collette! I hope you have a nice day. It’s human to want to be appreciated and somehow we are told that THIS is the day when we should be shown how appreciated we are. I hope your boys give you extra hugs when they get home xx
I completely feel you on this. Hubby cooked me dinner and kids gave me thoughtful and funny home made cards. We do roll with a bit of sarcasm in our house. 😂 No need for materialistic things! ❤️
So well said Collette❣️
I love this part:
“We don’t need a day. We need memories and moments and opportunities to rest in authentic appreciation and fulfillment.”
I love your sentiments on the pros and cons of such a holiday but in my house, I enjoy everyday of being a mother and do my best for my children to get all of me, I.e., my presence. Which is sometimes the best of me, and sometimes the worst of me.
The holiday is a lovely sentiment but I genuinely have no expectations and no demands on this day and instead try to be a worthy mother, not perfect mother, every day of the year❣️❤️🤗
It always seemed a bit bizarre. 365 days of epicness and mothers are rewarded with an overpriced card and a few flowers.