How do you go about living when you are unable to go anywhere or do anything?
Since I spent the majority of my years with a wine glass in my hand, I have a keen awareness of “wasted time.” And I don’t want to spend another day of my one precious life not living.
This sense of urgency adds to the frustration of my husband not being home because I am so eager to live life together, now that I’ve cleaned up my act. I know my tendency while in the waiting place is to go through the motions of daily life without participating in anything of value or significance that would be better shared with my partner.
In a way, sheltering in place aids my twisted thinking because we really can’t do anything very significant these days. But I know this life of thinking is flawed, and that life must go on…
Does doing mean living?
But this situation is forcing me to sift my definition of “living” like sand in a sieve. Before COVID-19 (or BC, as my friend likes to say), I would have told you I was full of life and my life was full. Now, all these expectations of participation and obligations have been lifted, calling into question whether I was really living or just really busy.
My schedule before looked something like this: wake at 5:15 am, have my quiet time, get the kids up and ready for school and myself ready for work. Take my daughter to school, my dog to my parents (her second home), and myself to work. Teach and do the 100 other things that fall under the role of a teacher but aren’t really teaching (but really tiring). Commute home, stopping to do various errands and pick up the kids and the dog. Work out (my selfish time). Make dinner, help with homework and take children to gymnastics, softball, football, or volleyball (not necessarily in that order). Come home, clean up, do the bedtime routine and fall into bed.
I’m sure I was earning lots of gold stars, but was I really living? I see lots of doing, but not much feeding of the soul. I could have kept on in that way, and years from now look back on it all, tie a pretty little bow around it, and call it a life. But is it truly living? Is it the life I want?
Back to now. The now where I am being forced to be still. The now that I am determined not to waste, despite my circumstances. While I can’t really go anywhere or do anything, and while my other half is missing, what can I do to bring meaning and value to my life in the meantime? Because 413 days ago, I got my life back and being stuck at home is not going to take that away.
Less Do-ing
I’m trying to let go of my obsession with “do-ing”. To not live by the all-powerful To-Do List. Yes, I’m still cleaning my house and taking care of the list of mundane chores that never go away. Yet I’m experimenting with being open to what’s calling me. With listening to my heart’s yearning, and responding with willing obedience.
For example, I had told myself that I would get up and do housework this morning, but my heart and soul really wanted to write to you all, so that’s what I’m doing. On my couch, with a cup of coffee and my little dog next to me, enjoying the smell of freshly baked (healthy) pumpkin muffins, and relishing the quiet before my children emerge groggily from dreamland. That’s how I’m living right now.
More Communing
I’m also trying to communicate with my kids on a deeper level. With two teenage boys, this is no small task. It has been hard having us all home here doing work and school and trying to process life on any given day. But I realize that 90-95% of my conversations with my 17-year-old son BC were about logistics: What’s for dinner? Can I have some gas money? Can I go out with my friends?
I now have the time and opportunity to connect. Through forced hanging-out at home, we’ve spent more time talking and sharing. Sometimes the sharing is just sharing space, but it feels much more meaningful than logistics. We’ve even ventured into open space, walking though nature. Fresh air and beautiful settings lend themselves to real, open conversations.
Slow down and create
I firmly believe that we are all called to be creative in our own unique ways. Creativity takes a backseat to busyness in lives filled with To Dos. Creativity lends itself to a slower pace. Now, instead of running around, I work and water my garden, and meditate on the beauty of the flora and fauna in my yard. I work contentedly on that 2,000 piece puzzle I had to have but never had time to do. I write. I read, learn and make connections and unearth insights I didn’t have time to consider before. I meal plan and cook colorful, healthy creations instead of throwing dinner together or eating out. I paint and color with my daughter. I am reminded how important it is to create and not just do.
This deliberate slowing down, going deeper, and yielding to my creative self is starting to resemble and feel like living. Like authentic living. Not a list of actions and obligations satisfied out of an attempt to live up to expectations. Not a daily series of boxes to be checked. But something messy and non-linear and significant. Something heart-felt and meaningful.
And when the doors and buildings do open, and activities and itineraries commence, I want to be intentional about bringing this authentic living with me, however I can.
Love this!
I am glad you are making deeper connections with your children!
They are adorable!
xo
Wendy
Thanks, Wendy. Silver linings, right. Hope you’re well. Xx
This is the goodness of being forced to slow down and recalibrate. This brought me much peace reading. Big hug to you and your family🤗
Glad it brought you peace! There is definitely good in being forced to slow down, and it probably wouldn’t have happened, had we not had to go through something like this. Silver linings. Hope you’re well. Hugs.
Collette I love this too! Beautifully put as always – such an important question we all need to ask ourselves about our formerly busy lives right now. Your strength and authentic self shine through in your writing and I can almost feel it warming your children’s hearts and souls – those muffins sound delicious too! 💞💞
Thank you for your kind words…they warmed MY heart. Yes, there are some important lessons here, in the struggle. Xx
very well put…i started to learn the difference between busy and “full of life” and began working toward a “life well lived” instead when i took the 6 months off Facebook (and the progression of letting go of other things as an unexpected result). Definitely loved the way you expressed the change in conversations with your lids..so true!! when we are “busy” it seems like we are having a conversation , when in fact , we are discussing “logistics”…i will remember that phrase, so thank you!I will always have some to do lists…its ingrained but i have really pared them down to a minimum. remember that post i wrote about “the Note Book” last year? If not, you can probably find it. Well, honestly, my note book has been used a LOT less since January. I don’t obsess as much..Kudos on all of this!!
Yes, like you I will probably always have some sort of To Do list but I really like the idea of paring it down! That will be the focus. Hop you’re well. Xx
Love it. I totally agree with everything you said. Talking with your kids and coloring with you daughter… so precious. I had my grandson over before covid and we made puppets out of brown paper bags. It was so fun and definitely food for the soul. You’re doing just what you should during this time out. Like you, I hope the changes we make stick once things go back to busy.
Thank you, Janet. Hoping you get to play with your grandson again soon. Brings out our inner child. Xx
That filled up my soul. Your sentiments and beautiful photos reassured me that all is well. Thank you! <3
Glad you liked it, dear. Thank you for your kind words. Xx
Ah Collette, I’ve just read this at the perfect time. I am becoming swamped with work right now and feeling the stress levels rising. I wanted to spend some time on the logs for days but haven’t given myself chance. I read your post and thought to myself ‘Claire, make sure you don’t forget what is important here. Your family are around you, make the most of it. Stop ‘doing’ and take some space’. So, I have made a decision to take a couple of days annual leave. I know I can’t go anywhere but I can put away my work and not check my emails.
I really want your recipe for pumpkin muffins and your kids are just gorgeous. Thanks for sharing
Claire xx
I’m glad you are going to take some time to take care of yourself and your family. I think we underestimate the toll this takes on all of us. And it definitely clarifies priorities. My pumpkin muffins were from a box, a brand called: Simple Mills. It’s made from almond flour (gluten free) but really tasty. If you don’t have that brand in the UK, I can email you a recipe for pumpkin muffins made with flour and pumpkin puree I was going to make before I found the easier box version! Let me know. Take care!! Xx
I’ll take a look but if not then a recipe would be great. I have taken on bigger role at work temporarily and I think I’m probably having that awful feeling of not being good enough and not knowing what I’m doing. I’m way out of my comfort zone and its taking its toll.
Oh, I know that feeling. The mind likes to sabotage good intentions and efforts on your part. I’m sure you’re doing way better than you “feel” like you’re doing!
That’s so true. Why does that happen? My anxiety about what other people think about me is in full swing!
Thanks, Collette, for this very encouraging post. And I love your photos. It’s so lovely to see this time as space to be with your family and slow down. xoxo
Thank you, Leafy. 💕
Being mindful <3 In your words and in these photographs you have acknowledge the air, the space, the feeling that is living xxxx Beautiful xxx
Thank you so much. Xx