If you follow my blog or even just read it from time to time, you know I consider myself on a wellness journey. This journey began when I stopped drinking and started choosing me. Me over what society expects of me. Me rather than a version of myself crafted by norms and group think.
When I stopped drinking, I also started questioning. I began to realize that our culture uses drinking as a cure-all, end-all and be-all, and yet 95,000 people a year die of alcohol-related deaths in this country alone. Why is that the case?
More recently, I started questioning diet culture and why Americans spend 33 billion dollars a year on weight loss products, yet 2/3 of us are obese and still searching for a quick fix. Why is this the case?
Now, I’m thinking about the beauty industry and our country’s obsession with appearance and youth. I found that, in 2018, Americans spent 16.5 billion on cosmetic plastic surgery. Even those who don’t opt to go under the knife for beauty spend a lot of money on beauty products to improve their appearance and look younger. An article that appeared on Byrdie, a website that brings us “All Beauty, All the Time–For Everyone,” wrote about the average cost of beauty maintenance could put you through Harvard. Kaitilyn McLintock cites a study done by OnePoll for Group on showed that “the average woman spends $313 per month on her appearance. This adds up to $3,756 per year or $225,360 over the course of a lifetime, or a standard college tuition.” Why is this the case?
So on this wellness journey of mine, I am learning who I don’t want to be as much as who I do. I don’t want to be a member of a society who glorifies drinking and hides the devastation that accompanies it. I don’t want to be a member of diet culture, a collective that profits off of weight loss products and scams sold to prey on people’s insecurities because the only acceptable thing to be is thin. And, as a mother of an 8-year-old girl, I don’t want to be the “average” woman who spends the equivalent of a college education on products and services so her outer self can shine while her inner self fades with neglect.
One of the biggest challenges in sobriety is learning who you are and how to love that person. I think we all can agree that addiction inspires self-loathing and recovery inspires self-love. But self-love, thanks to our society and what we’ve been sold, does not come naturally or easily. In fact, the alcohol, diet and beauty industries all profit off your insecurities and by making promises to change you in some way. I need to clearly define boundaries between me and these industries if I am to make peace with who I am and who I want to be.
In fact, the alcohol, diet, and beauty industries all profit off your insecurities and by making promises to change you in some way.
I’ve set my boundary with alcohol, and that is none for me thanks. I believe it’s the only way I can achieve lasting peace. I was talking with my mom about a couple we know who are heavy drinkers and have been for decades. “They said they’ve cut way back,” said my mom. I thought about how long and hard I wrestled with the concept of moderation, or cutting back. The wine witch whispering sweet nothings in my ear…the failed attempts. If this is truly the case for them, more power to them, but something tells me that a long-time heavy drinker who cuts way back lives in the world of magical thinking. I can’t have one, so I’ll just have none. And I’m ok with that now. Boundary line clearly drawn.
As for diets, I’ve said my farewell. I will no longer be spending money on fad diets, quick fixes, or restrictive regimens that cause me to gain it all back and then some. I will be spending money on my health, which includes whole or minimally processed food most of the time and a piece of high-quality chocolate cake once in awhile. I will not buy gym memberships, but I will workout a home, indoors and outdoors, and buy clothing and equipment to support that mission. Oh, and a good multi-vitamin, calcium/Vitamin D supplement, and omega-3 fatty acid pill every day to support my overall health and aging brain, bones and heart. Boundary line clearly marked.
And finally, as far as beauty goes, I firmly believe that it resides on the inside. My wellness journey has taken me there. That is not to say that I am going to let my hair go gray and throw out my make-up and moisturizer. Making peace with aging is a process, and I do think we should take care of ourselves. I will not spend thousands of dollars putting fake substances in my body so it will look like the idealized female figure. I will not slice, peel or stretch my skin in an attempt to look younger. I will practice acceptance and teach my daughter that beauty is not only skin deep.
But I will still get my hair done and wear some makeup most days. I will moisturize my skin and paint my toenails. This, in the name of self-care, self-love and wellness. A little goes a long way. Meandering boundary line, reinforced and set.
I think that, by defining who I don’t want to be, I am choosing wellness. I am choosing health, both physical and mental. I am choosing me.
Amen!
Thank you friend.
Agree!
I fully embrace my aging, but I still colour my hair and get it blown out every week. It is really long and beautiful right now…nicer than every before in my life. I enjoy it and it makes me feel good.
There is absolutely a difference between caring and enjoying our body, and trying to change it.
Anne
Yes! Caring for instead of trying to change it. Exactly.
It’s definitely interesting as you become more self aware you start noticing all the crap society is trying to sell us and Not for our own good but rather to fill their pockets. I’m loving your approach! It doesn’t need to be over complicated or expensive. Practicing keeping it simple with much self love is the way❤️
I agree. Eyes are opening. Self-love is the way. Xx
Whoop Whoop! Keep your money in the bank, that’s right! Those scoundrels have taken enough!
Yes. I am becoming a much more conscious consumer of all things. Xx
You are right, there is a difference between self-care and being a slave to the beauty fads. It’s doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You are modelling grace, self-care and awareness for you daughter xx
Thank you. It is so important when we have little ones. They are watching our choices and actions. Xx
I love everything about this! In my last post I said “I like me and will keep investing in me.” I really like this healthy feeling. When I was drinking daily I never felt this way! I’m so glad I took control to be where I am now and can keep on improving! It’s the simple things that I never did before that make me the happiest. Loved reading your post and have a great weekend!
I love reading this. SO happy for you Jacquelyn❣️❣️
Keep on loving you❤️❤️🤗
Thank you so much!!! 😍
😃🤗
Exactly. Investing in your health and wellness instead of lining the pockets of companies that send us the message we aren’t enough. Thank you, Jacquelyn! Xx
Beautiful message from a truly beautiful woman❣️❣️
I pray the societal norm wakes up to self love not self loathing. You’re so right- it’s big money for the corporations and celebrities who are everywhere with social media get paid big bucks to endorse it – and everyone follows.
This is a sensational line of yours:
“One of the biggest challenges in sobriety is learning who you are and how to love that person.”
Loving point of view Collette❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much, friend. Learning so much along the way. The journey to wellness and self-acceptance definitely requires us to look at why we feel the way we do, who are we listening to, and is it serving us. Xx
Well said 😘🥰
I have, since Christmas, invested in some products for a regular skin care routine. I have never looked after my skin and I have religiously followed a routine of cleanse, tone, serums and then moisturise (with not very expensive products) twice a day for almost 4 months. As you say, it has actually become a 10 minute daily slot of self care and my skin has benefited greatly. I don’t want to do any more than that though. Yep, diets … they just cause longer term issues for me.
Nice post. Your wellness journey is continuing nicely xxx
Yes, there is a big difference in investing in something that will benefit you and spending money on products hoping to change you because “they” say you should look a certain way. I’m all for self care! Thank you, Claire! Xx
What I need to do is stop trying to be a certain size and stop getting upset by my wrinkly and saggy chin. Tough to accept but life is so much easier if we can truly do that! Love to you ❤️❤️
Go Collette! There is so much sold to us around beauty now and I hate the way a lot of young women all aspire to look the same – same eyebrows, fake tan, big hair and all body hair removed! I agree though that looking nice for ourselves is self care and I’m excited I’m getting a hair cut and colour next week for the 1st time in months! 💞💞
Yes, it’s become much worse with social media and its “influencers.” We must fight to be the voice of reason. That said, I’d never get rid of my haircut/color routine! Hugs to you! Xx
So many so called experts offering advice. Just got to work out what is best for you. x