One of the most significant choices we commit to in a life of sobriety is choosing ourselves over “the crowd.” Choosing our own wellbeing over fitting in. In my last few years of drinking, I tried sobriety on like an outfit I thought didn’t suit me. One of the big reasons I felt this way is because sobriety is so counterculture.
I viewed myself as the one who couldn’t drink and join in the festivities. At social gatherings, I declined a drink with an inward bow of the head. Feeling like all the normal people could see that I was not.
Not normal. Doesn’t fit in. It is no coincidence that my drinking started in my teenage years. An age where being part of the crowd is paramount. This is also the time when, especially girls, develop an acute awareness of descriptors such as “pretty”, “popular”, or “normal”. These distinctions are heavily influenced by marketing, advertising, (and now social media), and the views your heavily influenced peers.
The fact that I felt awkward, shy and like I didn’t fit in (and desperately wanted to) led to the discovery of alcohol. The substance that, when ingested before and during social situations makes the discomfort melt away like a Popsicle on a hot summer day.
Fast forward a few decades to the time when I started the process of stopping. I found that I still clung to these beliefs, and had never bothered questioning them. I still believed that alcohol was a social lubricant. Also, an aphrodisiac, an instiller of confidence and courage, a sign of belonging to the crowd, and the adhesive bond of adulthood and raising kids. It is the message we are given, and most receive it in blind faith.
So yes, a big part of the reason I found it hard to stop drinking was having to question and ultimately reject societal norms. A vision of normalcy I had been conditioned to accept since my teenage years.
Yet somewhere during the process of embracing sobriety and uncovering my truths, I realized this: being different is not only okay, it is a desirable and rewarding way to live.
Yes, I still fall back into my old conditioned responses when in a social setting. I feel moments of awkwardness when I am set apart by my lifestyle. But every time I walk through it, I feel a bit more empowered and comfortable in my own skin. More at peace with who I am.
This sense of awkwardness or discomfort pales in comparison to the new truths I’ve discovered, and new places I’m being led through this process. I now look with skepticism (and a little sadness) at advertisements peddling happiness in a bottle. And it’s not just alcohol, but it’s all of the beauty products, prescription drugs, junk food, fitness programs, luxury products, or the latest and greatest have-to-have item.
I’m grateful I stepped off that train, choosing instead to live a counter-cultural life. Especially since I have been blessed with a daughter (who probably won’t listen to me anyway and have to make her own mistakes).
I am glad that my children get to see me making the choice, day after day, to be different. And me growing comfortable in my difference. I no longer need to “fit in”, but only to find my own way in my own outfit; an outfit that suits me.
Amen sister! What’s funny is that I binge watched a show on Netflix recently called Sweet Magnolias. I loved it, but boy, these 3 girlfriends drink A LOT. I did catch myself thinking oh how nice that must be to be able to do that and not worry about alcoholism. They really do push it in the media. Anyway, I love your thoughts and reflections. Stay strong! Also… I love that Einstein quote! It’s a keeper! xo
Another great post. 👍🏻❤️
Well said! <3
Lovely post Collette – It is like stripping back the layers we’ve taken on to find our true selves – a worthwhile journey! 💞💞
Thank you friend! 💕
Indeed, Collette! Flipping off normalcy has turned into a hobby of mine. Life’s to short to not be my true best self. You are rocking it😎
Flipping off normalcy! I love it! That’s a great mental image. You’re the best! 💕👍🏻
I found that as well. Not going for a drink or just having a lemonade made me different. Parts of the world started to close but the rest of it started to look an awful lot better. This is such a wonderful post. x
Thank you, friend! 💕
Love this post Collette. I am similar, I still feel moments of inadequacy and awkwardness in those social situations. I am now gaining confidence to walk away when I’ve had enough and be able to stand alone from the crowd.
Hope things are good? Any news? Xx
Yes, I find myself wanting more and more to be away from parties and social occasions where drinking is the agenda, and spend my time with those who really get it. He’s coming home on the 15th! Final countdown is ON!! 👍🏻😘
OMG 🥳🤩 that’s is the best news. You have made my day today. I am so pleased and happy for you. Honestly, I couldn’t have heard any better news. Not long to go now. ❤️❤️😘
Glad I got to make your day! I’m pleased as punch!! Lol. But really! It’s been quite long enough. Xx
It has. How long will have been? Xx
Seven months!!!
Wowzers .. I’m so excited for you xx