I celebrate another trip around the sun on the 4th of July; I’ll be 46. The process of me moving through my 40s, what I consider middle age, combined with the experience of me getting sober is causing a lot of reflecting and assessing. It invites me to think about the world I see around me, and how I fit, or don’t fit in. It challenges me to practice acceptance on one hand, and rejection of popular culture on the other.
I’m not blaming society or popular culture for the path I took that led me to a place of misery. I am, however, viewing our culture’s beliefs and ideals through a critical lens. It is not the fault of society, but it sure made it feel normal.
I was talking to the person I almost lost to alcohol addiction on Father’s Day about advertising. How we live in a world that rightfully spends a lot of money on anti-smoking and vaping advertisements, but so wrongly spends even more money glorifying and celebrating the substance that causes 95,000 deaths in this country annually. How these companies think they can ease their consciences by telling us to “drink responsibly,” when the very substance we consume impairs our judgement. Or, to cater to the health-conscious, advertising ethanol with “natural botanicals” and telling us to “drink mindfully” when the very substance we consume erases presence.
Coming to see the outright lies we are sold concerning alcohol and take in the widespread damage it causes that no one likes to talk about was the beginning of me uncovering the truth. This allowed me to begin constructing my own reality. It required me to counter popular thought, decline invitations that centered around drinking, and find the courage to call bullshit on things I blindly accepted in the past.
By consuming alcohol regularly or excessively, we are also consuming the narrative that it benefits us in some way. It helps us relax, have fun, celebrate, or drown our sorrows. By no longer consuming alcohol, I can now clearly see that I don’t need a substance to invoke a feeling, or create an experience, or make the intolerable tolerable. In fact, I realized that the substance I was consuming was causing the bad feelings, bad experiences and lingering sorrow. Recognizing this feels empowering; like I found the operating manual to my own self.
Unlocking this truth led me to think about other beliefs that I have always accepted as “normal” because they exist all around me. And I found a whole lot more falsities disguised as needs or sold as norms. We live in a culture of consumerism. Any of these stories sound familiar?
Feeling blue or incomplete? Go shopping. Buy something to make you feel better: new shoes, or a dress, or that designer handbag. That will complete you.
The guy next door got a shiny new boat, or jet ski, or trailer… he looks like he’s going to have tons of fun this summer. Now I feel incomplete and envious. Don’t have the money? Finance it.
Don’t like how you look in the mirror? Look at the women on TV, or the social media influencers. New eyelashes, or extensions, or Botox, or cool sculpting, or expensive face cream will do the trick. Experiencing stubborn weight gain and bloating due to hormones? Drink this supplement. (Cheaper on auto-order.)
You’re not enough on your own. You need “xyz” to keep up, to remain young and attractive, to feel better.
We live in a society chalk full of debt, obesity, addiction and mental health issues, and we still aren’t full. The opposite of debt, obesity, addiction and mental health challenges is peace. And peace is what we’re lacking.
So I’ve come to the place in my life where, if it’s mainstream, popularly viewed, or held in high esteem, I don’t want it, I don’t believe it and I won’t buy it. This may seem restrictive, or limiting to some, not to “go with the flow,” or do it because “everybody’s doing it.” But to me, it’s freedom.
Freedom to form my own beliefs about what completes me and how I want to spend my time left here in this world. I’ve spent half my life following the well-trodden path in search of false happiness. Now, I get to spend the rest of it exploring, creating and committing to what brings me authentic joy and satisfaction.
And that sounds like a great way to spend my time.
A big YES to this. For me, I’ve embraced minimalism for just these reasons. Definitely a more in tune with our soul way to live. 😊
Me too Dwight. I read a fantastic book called Essentialism that really digs to the heart of what we really need in our life to thrive and find satisfaction. 💥
Love anything that puts you more in tune with your soul. I find minimalism a challenge when you have three kids in the house…the “stuff” just appears everywhere in stacks and piles and scattered about. Maybe someday… Love and light to you! Xx
A passionate call to be discriminate on what truly heals our heart and has a positive and healthy impact on our life❣️🤗
I e always felt that advertising is rooted in creating an illusion that triggers feelings of “lacking or being incomplete or less than” without this product or that. A true devil’s playground to beware 🤔
Yes, the psychology around it is twisted, and profit driven. Does more harm than good to the masses. That’s why becoming a critical viewer of information is so important. Thanks for reading, Teri! Xx
Yes! 💥
We need to teach our kids to be critical thinkers❣️
Always a pleasure to read your posts. So genuine and caring 🥰
Yeah, I don’t have that consumeristic outlook (or the problems associated with it). I do have nice stuff and I’m not about to get rid of any of it (especially my bikes). I hope you walk a path that you find enjoyable, though. That’s what really matters – not what anyone else does.
Thank you, Jim. I’m more concerned with people finding their passion instead of going along blindly with what society says they should be doing. I know you’ve find yours with your cycling and I think that’s amazing. Tools of the trade are important if we are to perform well. I’m glad you have something you enjoy so much!
I’m not a big shopper anyway, but going back to school and losing my income was definitely a way to stop buying what they’re selling.
Yes, and also not “buying” into the whole mentality that we need to spend money to make us feel better. Thanks for reading, Crystal!
Great post and beautifully expressed. Most of my life, I’ve felt that I’ve always been in the “wrong lane”… like rush hour- everyone”s going in the opposite direction and I’m alone going in the other direction. Even though I had no desire to be stuck in the chaos of that rush hour lane and loved the space and quiet the “road less traveled” offered, many times I allowed it to make me feel I was odd or a misfit of sorts. I now embrace and celebrate who God created me to be!💜
Yes, I too often feel like that, and I think when I quit drinking I felt even more different. But I am also getting to the place where I can embrace being unique. Thanks for reading, Elizabeth.