What’s Working for Me

10 Months In…

Today I am celebrating 10 months of alcohol-free living; the longest stretch of sobriety I’ve had since booze and I hooked up over 25 years ago. To be fair, our relationship wasn’t always constant or consistent, and for the past three years it was “on-again, off-again.” Yet, I finally feel like I’ve said farewell and mean it.

When the time comes to make a break and enter the world of recovery, I don’t think many of us have a defined exit plan, a clear pathway out, despite the fact that addiction has inevitably filled our lives with chaos and despair.

For me, it was just one night that happened to be my last night. The night where my unhealthy relationship with alcohol flared up inside of me, belted out its swan song of grief and subsided. Only this time, not for just a few hours, but God-willing, permanently.

I woke up the next day not knowing what to do, but knowing it would be different. The palpable shift that occurred, one that I hadn’t felt before, was that I no longer harbored any illusions that alcohol did me any favors. I no longer believed the lies or empty promises that society, or my own experiences, had conditioned me to buy into.

So I went about piecing together a recovery process that worked for me. In her UnPickled blog post titled, Resentments and Recovery, Jean described it beautifully when she wrote, “I got sober in my own little way, an example of patchwork recovery in the truest sense.”

I am a life-long learner, reader and writer. So I feel fortunate that there is such a wealth of wisdom to draw on, both from people who have been through it first-hand, and those who have done the research and transformed their findings into concepts the public can digest and apply. And yet, there is still so much about addiction to unpack and so many needs that have yet to be met.

What I can do is speak from my own experience as a woman who has struggled with alcohol use disorder for most of my life. I am listing these 10 elements of my recovery, not as a prescribed remedy for all but as suggestions or validation for those with an open-mind and a willingness or desire to grow and recover.

10 Pieces of my Patchwork Recovery

• Reading. From the moment the fog began to clear, or even before, I devoured the words of people who have real-life experiences, or wisdom to share. Specifically, the words of the Bible, Stephen Cope, Pema Chodron, Eckhart Tolle, Annie Grace, Brene Brown, Alan Carr, Jason Vale, William Porter, Catherine Gray, Kristi Coulter, Leslie Jamison, Cheryl Strayed, Holly Whitaker, Laura McKowen, James Baraz, Belle Robertson, Clare Pooley, Ann Dowsett Johnston, Elizabeth Vargas, Paul Churchill, Caroline Knapp, James Clear, Charles Duhigg, Craig Beck, Mel Robbins, Debbi Ford, Augusten Burroughs, Marianne Williamson, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Heather Kopp, Amy Johnson, Ph.D., Lucy Rocca, Sarah Turner, and Dan Harris. (Request titles in Comments, if interested).
• Writing. My earliest dreams included being a writer, and as I got sober, I found my creativity and, more importantly, my desire, to write again. I began journaling, and a few months ago started this blog. I don’t know where my writing journey will lead but I do know that it is therapeutic and an essential part of who I am.
• Prayer. I do not see it as a coincidence that I got sober in the same year I committed to do a Bible In A Year reading plan. This daily reading and prayer time strengthened my relationship with God and taught me the meaning of daily dependence and surrender.
• Meditation. This is always a work in progress, but I feel so much better when I am consistent with it. I use the Calm app and mediate for 10 minutes each morning in a little space I created in my bedroom. It makes a huge difference in my ability to be present and mindful in my daily life.
• Counseling. I believe therapy and or counseling is essential in any recovery process. I’ve had both good and bad experiences with LCSWs, MFTs and Addiction Psychiatrists, and believe it is worth putting in the work to find someone you really trust and connect with.
• Exercise. I make this a priority after my workday, as exercise releases endorphins and relieves the stress of the day, which I used to try to numb with wine. It has helped me lose most of the weight I put on due to drinking and poor diet. Exercise also makes me feel better about myself overall. There is no downside.
• Mindful Eating and Supplementation. Although my opinion of myself was at an all-time low 10 months ago, I didn’t want to go on a strict diet while I was focusing on not drinking. I did, however, start being mindful about what I ate, reduced my portions and incorporated more vegetables, protein and whole grains and less carbs. A few months ago, I also started taking supplements, including a good quality multi-vitamin, Omega 3 fish oils and a Calcium/Vitamin D tablet for my old bones. I immediately noticed an increase in energy and a more balanced mood. Another plus: I feel like I’m healing my brain.
• Self-Care. In this category, I include: Essential Oils (mainly diffused in my bedroom), quality skincare, bubble baths, chocolate, hikes, dog walks, good coffee, back rubs, naps and tasty AF beverages. Also, listening to myself, establishing and honoring boundaries and learning to truly love myself.
• Connection. This is a tricky one, as I recognize its importance but would much rather spend time alone than in the company of others. This is because, 1) I’m an introvert, and 2) I get A LOT of connection in my daily routine. I’m a mother of three and a teacher, so by the end of the day all I want to do is decompress in my bedroom. By myself. Still, I make it a point to spend quality time with my husband, children and a few good girlfriends. An added bonus are the connections I’ve made through sober online communities (specifically here on WordPress and Instagram).
• Mindset shift. This is about examining my thinking, on a daily basis. Calling to mind what I am grateful for, and calling myself out when my thoughts turn negative or unproductive. This includes embracing possibility, staying true to myself and remaining open to growth, change, and most importantly, love.

There have also been things I have tried than haven’t worked so well, but that is the beauty of recovery. Only I know what feels right on my path, and it is up to me to move forward using the tools that are working for me.