When I think back to where I was this time a year ago, I am overwhelmed with gratitude at how far I’ve come, and awash in hope for the journey that continues. Last year, the pause between Christmas and the new year–the space that doesn’t serve much of a purpose except to catch your breath and gather your thoughts–had me feeling empty and full simultaneously.
Empty of true connection to anyone, even God and my husband. Empty of love or even like for myself. Empty of thoughts, plans or ideas about the future.
And full–stuffed full–of holiday fare. Full of resentment and loathing for the person I’d become (obese, according the the BMI, from trying to fill a void). Full of dread for the new year and continuing down the same, well-worn path I’d traveled for far too long.
The new year approached and I didn’t even entertain the thought of lofty resolutions. I half-heartedly signed up for a diet plan because my clothing told me the next stop was the plus-sized store. Another attempt to not address the real issues in my life, but to look like I was “trying.”
Looking back, the one thing that saved me was starting, and sticking to, a Bible-in-a-Year reading plan. A daily devotional paired with psalms, Old and New Testament passages, broken down into 365 days for roughly 20 minutes a day.
Nothing miraculous or life-changing happened right away. I started my diet, lost eight pounds, and gained it back again. I continued to drink wine daily and heavily, to try to… oh hell, at that point it was because I was addicted to a highly addictive drug.
But somewhere in those 20-minute segments–that time devoted to One I had become disconnected to–my heart started to change. I couldn’t do anything else for myself, but I could do this one small, good thing. I poked my head out of my shell of self-inflicted shame and began to notice the beauty and opportunities in everyday life. And one day, I decided I’d had enough. So much more than enough.
I sit here today, four days left in my Bible-in-a-Year, weight taken off of me and from me. Still full and empty, but of the right things. I’m fueled for my journey into this new year with my pen, my Bible, my running shoes and faith in myself.
If I have one piece of advice to share from my own experience, it is to listen to your heart, and start with one small, good thing. Nothing grandiose, or drastic, or overwhelming…something that feels right and authentic to you and your journey. And trust that this one small, good thing will produce transforming, life-changing results.
One thought on “A Small, Good Thing”