I’m writing this post to anyone who struggles with substance abuse or has a loved one who struggles, which is most of us.
I’m writing from a place of shock and guilt, grief and some anger too. Someone close to me, exactly who I won’t disclose at this point, is in the hospital, fighting for her life, as she going through withdrawal and has reached the point of organ failure.
She went to great lengths to hide the extent of her addiction. To isolate and hide her behaviors and disguise her health problems. Because that’s what addiction does… the thing we consume consumes us until our world is only an existence and help seems far off and vague.
I’m choosing to believe that she will recover, despite knowing the statistics. I’m baffled that here I am, almost two years sober, working so hard on a blog about recovering your life after alcohol, and yet someone so close to me suffered in silence, all this time.
I knew there was a problem, but I was clueless as to the extent. I chose not to discuss it because, since I’d quit we had become more distant and I didn’t want to sound preachy. I know as well as anyone that you can’t talk someone out of an addiction. It has to be their choice; their breaking point. Still, I wonder if talking could have led to a kinder breaking point.
I feel angry at our society and the way that alcohol is glamorized. That there is a war on illicit drugs but a celebration of one of the most harmful drugs. Last year was a shit show for addiction. Alcohol-related deaths in America have risen to 95,000, according to the Centers for Disease Control. And still, on our televisions, in our homes, on billboards, and social media, the message we get is: “Pursue your daydreams.” “Take your best shot.” “The spirit of family in every glass.” “Reach for greatness.” “We hate Mondays too.” “Find your beach.” Actual wording on actual ads, for poison.
I’m not excusing or dismissing the role of personal responsibility. But can we just stop and admit that there is something sick and wrong with a culture that advertises fulfillment, success, connection, greatness and paradise in a drug that all to often leads to destruction, devastation and death?
I’m witnessing the fallout. The helpless pain of loved ones. And no one has even yet contemplated the road ahead. I reached my breaking point much sooner. And I wonder why that point is so different for each person. And why it’s a point of no return for some.
I do want to encourage you, though, if you know someone who you think is struggling, don’t worry about sounding preachy. Invite them out for coffee. And if they refuse, ask again. You can’t save another person, but you can let them know they’re not alone. And your words may be the key that opens the door to the prison they are stuck in. Because your words contain hope, and hope is what they need to find again.
Please know that it’s better to feel like your words are falling on deaf ears than to witness self-destruction before your very eyes.
And please pray for this person who is close to me and fighting for her life. I’m choosing to believe she will recover. I’m holding on to hope, even if she’s lost her grip for now. The story isn’t finished yet, and hope says to me that this is one of triumph over tragedy.
Oh Collette.
I am praying for her recovery.
There are several family members who I know have problems with alcohol, and if I say anything it’s instant denial. Which I understand, as I did too.
It’s a horrible disease, and I hate the way alcohol is glamorized as well.
Big hugs, honey.
xo
Wendy
Thanks for you prayers and kind words. Xx
Collette I’m so sorry. So many prayers been sent. This is evidence of the damage and pain it causes to really good people. Sending hugs your way as well, it will be so tough for you xxx
Thanks so much for your prayers. And hugs. Yes, this is a nightmare. I appreciate you. Xx
So sorry to hear, Collette. I’m sending you a great big hug! I am sure thinking of you both and really hoping for her recovery. ❤️
Thank you for your kind words, and the hug! I appreciate you. Xx
I’ve lost several friends to this demon and expect to lose a few more, especially now with people isolated and alone in the pandemic. It’s gotten to where some wont even respond when i reach out, and have basically gone MIA. I knew when this started it would be a rough time for many. So sad to hear of your friend and will inckude her in my prayers.
Thank you, Lovie. I appreciate your thought and prayers. Xx
I am so sorry to hear that Colette! I hope she pulls through and makes a recovery. Thinking of you x
Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. Xx
Try not to be too hard on yourself, you had no way of knowing how bad things were with her. No matter how many times you asked her, it wouldn’t have made a difference if she was not ready to stop. Perhaps, it’s in her recovery when she will need you the most xx
You are so right about this. At first I was was full of remorse. I should have tried harder. I should have done this differently. But it’s not about me. It’s about her and how/if she decides to rebuild her life from her. If she asks for support I will willingly give it. But it all has to come from her. Thank you for pointing this out. Xx
She would be very lucky to have you supporting her xx
Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. Xx
Great message, Collette and I’m sending prayers and light to your friend.
Thank you much, my friend. Xx
‘the thing we consume consumes us until our world is only an existence and help seems far off and vague.’ Wow, ain’t that the truth Colette. As someone who tumbled off the wagon during the pandemic, following 7 years sobriety, addiction sure is a kicker. As you say, it allows us to hide things so well. I didn’t want to speak to anyone who I knew may have helped me. Total denial. We are such strange, wonderful, beautiful and baffling creatures. Go easy on yourself and I’ll send prayers your friends way. X
Yes, just when I think I’ve come to terms with the foe that is addiction it rears its ugly head and slaps me around. It is so destructive and unrelenting, and unfortunately, so common. Thank you for your prayers, dear friend. Xx
I’ll be saying prayers for your friend’s full and healthy recovery. I also pray she turns to you for inspiration (especially your blog) and as a resource for her new journey of sobriety. I pray she fully embraces it, as you have, struggles and all. Because life doesn’t stop with the challenges.
I too agree with the total disregard for public safety by accepting and glamorizing the use of alcohol.
And I pray for you don’t hold any kind of guilt you may hold for not being more persistent in checking in with her. You may “”know” you couldn’t force her to admit to her drinking problem but the heart still feels what it feels. Guilt? Regret?
It’s definitely a time of holding on to hope❣️Nicely written.
Keep up your beautiful and courageous journey. Life certainty isn’t easy. You inspire me ❤️🤗
Thank you for your kind words, Teri. Up until now she has purposely avoided any of my sobriety writings on IG or WordPress, basically, my messages of hope. But I know she’ll be in a different place when she returns to the world. Thank you for your prayers. It’s going to be a long road. But I have taken myself, and anything I could have done out of the equation and know that it’s all about her and how she decides to move forward. Xx
Oh, Collette. I’m so sorry to hear this terrible news. I am also praying for your friend’s recovery. Thinking of you. xx
Thank you so much, Leafy. I appreciate you and your prayers. Xx
So much of this rings true—so many of us struggle or have loved ones who do…the helpless pain of loved ones. Praying for your friend and for you as well, Collette. ❤️