Anyone who has spent a large portion of their life stuck in addiction undergoes a major transformation once they break free. A course correction. A process of reassessing life and how it should be lived. An embracing of their true self; and of possibility.
But it’s not clean-cut and tidy. There are pieces to pick up, lessons to file away, and of course, the past. Anyone who suffers from addiction and embarks on the process of a new beginning will have a mess of regret and remorse littering the path forward. The mess is individual, and varies in size, but always exists. We know we can’t sit in it; dwelling in that place does not help us heal. But maybe, the way we view it can.
I am an adherent to James Clear’s enlightening book, Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones. His premise is that tiny 1% changes or tweaks lead to remarkable results over time. I also subscribe to his newsletter and get new ideas from him each week. Last week, he shared this: “The events of your past are fixed. The meaning of your past is not. The influence of every experience in your life is determined by the meaning you assign to it. Assign a more useful meaning to your past and it becomes easier to take a more useful action in the present.”
Sometimes we need to take some time and focus on ourselves and rebuilding before we can assess the damage of the past. I am watching the person I am close to who is fighting her way out of addiction try to get her bearings and heal before she can even consider what to do with the next chapter. It gets easier with time, the pain lessens gradually, and at some point we are willing to look at the past, and assign meaning.
Speaking from experience, the temptation is to look back over a painful and destructive past and proclaim it as wasted time. Wasted years. While we very well might have spent those years wasted, we need not write them all off as loss.
In Ecclesiastes, King Solomon writes that nothing is wasted, and there is a time for everything.
“For everything there is a season…
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.” (Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 NLT)
What if all those years of tearing down, of crying and grief, of scattering and searching, of ripping up and throwing away, of hiding and hating, of war with ourselves was just that… a season with a purpose. Sure it was painful, and messy and regrettable. But when we look at it as serving a purpose, nothing is wasted. And maybe, if we hadn’t lived through that season, we would not be where we are today.
If you don’t go through the fire, and live through the ugly parts, you don’t get to experience the season of healing and harvest, of building up and gathering, of laughter and dancing, of redemption and speaking your truth, of love and peace.
If we assign our past the meaning of painful and difficult, BUT useful and necessary, we are giving ourselves permission to live a meaningful present. Permission to bloom and grow and thrive. And permission to live out a future of meaning and significance. All just as necessary as the past.
Nothing is wasted. Let every one of your experiences, past or present, serve a useful purpose.
I love that James Clear quote. I’m listening to his audiobook at present. I too resonate with his idea of making a 1% change. I reckon I can do that! The King Solomon quote is beautiful. Says so much about the current state of the world. I’ll keep sending prayers your friends way. 👍🏻
Thank you friend. Yes, Clear makes a lot of sense to me, and like you said, it’s doable! We just need to be intentional. And yes, I love the truth found in these verses that nothing is wasted…not even our pain. Thank you for your prayers. I’m sending love and light to you! 🌟💖
I think this is such a helpful way of looking at our past and life in general. Thanks, Collette, for sharing it. ❤️
Ecclesiastes has always been my favorite book of the bible…Solomon hit the nail of the head so much. these days reading an actual book is almost out of my league with the eye sight, but when i find good ones on CD at the library i listen to them on my way to and from work. Usually i gravitate towards empowering or motivational stuff. This one sounds familiar- i may have listened to it at some point:) love the concept!
I’ll have to add Clear’s “Atomic Habits” to my list of books to read. Love that quote and the inclusion of the importance of 1% changes – I think that is key. Too often we get caught up in “all or nothing” and, for me, “all” is unreasonable so end up at “nothing”..
Definitely worth a read 😊
This is definitely a helpful way of looking at the past! ( as Leafy said ) I’ve never heard of James Clear, I’ll have to look him up! I’m sending lots of love your friends way. 🙏🏻
His book ‘Atomic Habits’ is a great read 🤗
Definitely a needed perspective for this soul😊. Thanks
Sometimes it’s hard to see the purpose. My mom used to say, Everything has a reason. I never understood until suddenly I realized my struggles were strengthening me. King Solomon (what a poet) says it best, Everything has a season.
Love this and love you!
xo
Wendy
Love James Clear and his atomic habits book is excellent. In fact I am now going to reread it! This was a great post Collette. 💕💕
Yes, he is full of wisdom…but it’s practical and practiceable wisdom. I want to reread it too! Hugs to you! 💖
🤗🤗🤗
I need to read this. Going to get it tonight.❤️
You have a real talent for articulating things so clearly, Collete. Love this post and the idea that everything has a season, nothing was a waste of time. It’s a very calming and reassuring thought, and eliminates any regrets. I must look James Clear up 😉