“Step into the fire of self-discovery. This fire will not burn you, it will only burn what you are not.“
Mooji
Here I sit, in the blessedly warm, quiet house, reflecting on three years of sobriety. Doves cooing soothingly through the chimney, hot coffee and small dogs, my loyal companions. Never mind that I’m seized by a sneezing fit and constantly blowing my nose on a napkin due to allergies, and the youngest dog just threw up, almost making it outside… It’s all about perspective, right?
On my first soberversary, I wrote about 10 lightbulbs that illuminated the path of my first year without drinking. Year one was all about learning to drive the sober car. My son just got his learning permit, and on his initial experience behind the wheel he pointed out a house and started to comment on it then caught himself and said, “Oh yeah, I’m driving.” My first year was filled with “Oh yeah, I’m sober” moments. Lessons and learning what to do, how to live without the perceived crutch of alcohol. I felt vulnerable and unsure of myself. My life contained lots of suddenly empty time where feelings crept in and demanded my attention as I was no longer buried in oblivion. Oh no…not the feelings. My first year was figuring out what to do with myself, how to move through weekends and holidays and months with my husband stuck overseas. Realizing I could do hard things.
My second year sober contained no fewer lessons and challenges, but was more about the learning the rules of the road. Once I possessed a healthy amount of understanding and acceptance of myself and my new lifestyle, I needed to figure out my place in a word that celebrates and normalizes drinking. How do you blend in on your son’s volleyball team trip to Utah when the first item on the parents’ agenda is a fieldtrip to the state liquor store? How do you respond when you ask the waiter at your anniversary dinner for non-alcoholic beer or wine and he says, “That’s not a thing.” What do you do when your co-workers insist you hit the nearest happy hour to toast a job well done? While these aren’t actually problems, it does take some real work to navigate a boozy world, find your place in it and decide how much you really want to be a part of.
This year, I finally feel like I’m going places. I am comfortable in my own skin and I know what I like to do. I made peace with the fact that I’m not the person who organizes the parent parties or takes the all-inclusive vacation. I don’t go on winetasting weekends with girlfriends and post them all over Facebook. And I don’t put green food dye in my beer and participate in St. Patrick’s Day parades because…wait, why do people even celebrate St. Paddy’s Day? Oh yeah. This year, I embraced the fact that I am the person who loves to read engrossing historical fiction, intriguing non-fiction, and inspiring memoires. I love to go out on nature walks and photograph birds and the amazing world around us. I love to garden and harvest my own food, and grow lovely flowers for the birds and bees. I love to actually watch and be present for my kids’ meets and games. I love mornings, and my quiet time where I pray and journal and wake up with the outside world. I love writing this blog, and connecting with others who are finding out who they are as well.
This year, I’m blooming, hitting my stride, accepting who I am, and embracing that person. I’m finding new passions and re-igniting some old ones. I’ve even started playing the piano again, awakening the heartsong that accompanies the movement of fingers on keys. I’ve booked a trip to Yellowstone and am determined to make it. Yes, Yellowstone, and not Cabo. And that’s exciting, to me.
This year, I’m going places. And it feels good. Because once you figure out who you aren’t you can start piecing together and rebuilding who you are. Then you get to truly live, as that person. All because of a decision to get in that car and go.
To anyone out there debating (probably endlessly, love you friend) the idea of living life without booze, I say: you CAN do it, and it brings with it challenges and rewards that are life-changing, growth-inducing and awe-inspiring. And it’s absolutely worth it.
Love and light.
Yay! Happy Sober Anniversary! Happy to be walking with you!
💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻☃️☃️☃️☕️☕️☕️❤️❤️❤️💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻☃️☃️☃️☕️☕️☕️❤️❤️❤️💃🏻💃🏻☃️☃️☃️☕️☕️☕️❤️❤️❤️
Your emojis make me happy! 🙂 Thank you and lots of love to you, my amazing sister in sobriety! Xx
i have really enjoyed watching your progress over the past few years. It was great meeting others climbing out of the bottle and pushing through their journeys. we have all had so many ups, downs, bumps, and adventures. so glad i still get to read how much it has changed your life! please please post pics from yellowstone..i have always wanted to go there!
Thank you! I love walking alongside you as well. This process has brought me to some amazing warrior friends. Pictures of Yellowstone, YES. Maybe you should plan a trip too! Hugs.
Happy three years, Collette!!! I’m so grateful I can ride along with you. Love and appreciate our connection. Let the road-trips begin. Yes – Yes – Yes😊❤️🤗
Thank you Dwight, my fellow traveler and lovely friend. Hugs to you!
Happy 3 years Collette! I’m a bit behind you but I can so relate to the phases you describe – it’s quite a journey we’re all on and it’s great to have your wisdom and companionship on it 💞💞
Love that you’re alongside me in this. I’m always here with you, friend. Xx
Congratulations on your three years! That’s a big one as far as anniversaries go. 👍
Thank you Jim! That means a lot coming from a sober veteran, such as yourself. Also, thank you for always keeping me honest and shedding a different light from time to time. I appreciate you.
My pleasure, Collette. Thanks for being you and giving me a different way to look at things.
Congratulations on three years! This post is so inspirational and fulfilling. Yellowstone sounds completely awesome! This summer is my high school class 30year reunion. Last time we had it ( before COVID ) was at a bar and everyone was drinking. This year I’m on the planning committee and we are having it at our local park. So happy to not have it at a bar scene!
Thank you, Jackie! I’m glad you found it inspiring. I consider you one of my fellow travelers on this road. I’m glad you’re planning a different venue…maybe people will actually communicate and remember the event. I attended my husband’s a year or so ago and it was just a big boozy blur (for them). Kinda sad. Hugs to you, friend!
That means a lot, Collette! ☺️ Exactly! I know I was drinking up a storm at our last one a few years ago! Don’t remember the second half of the night which really upset me. They were asking for help planning one this summer and I decided to be proactive and join and hopefully get the location out of a bar. ✔️ If it had to be at a bar I am confident these days not drinking would be fine with me however at some point I would just leave early, when everyone was getting tipsy. Definitely on a much better road these days!
I’m so pleased for you. It’s a privilege to be allowed to share your journey ❤️
Thank you, friend. The best part is all the wonderful people you meet travelling the same road. Xx
How wonderful! Three years!! Congratulations,Collette, and I am inspired by your Yellowstone trip!!! 🤗
Thank you, friend! I will definitely take lots of pictures to share. Hope you are well!
Congratulations! I’m 45 days in! Inspiring 🙂
Thank you and good luck to you! I will check out your blog!