I’ve been thinking about relapse lately, and why it happens. I picture a weakened figure sliding down the steep sides of a slippery pit. A bird caught mid-flight and thrown back into a rusty cage. The loudness of silence, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ask anyone who has a history with drugs or Read More
Category: Recovery
A New Agenda
My husband and I squeezed in one more outing before I return to work tomorrow. On the agenda was a quick trip to the coast where we hiked and spent the night at a hotel on the ocean. It was an eight-mile hike, chosen on the spot and maybe a bit overambitious. When you read Read More
Sunday Meditation: Guard Your Heart
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 4:23 Our thoughts, speech and actions settle into our hearts and, if repeated often enough, find a home. At certain points in my life, I have found myself off course, or on a bad course. It is hard to see Read More
Remembrance of Things Past
Yesterday, I slid down the slippery slope of memory and floundered around at the bottom like a bug on its back. Normally, I don’t allow myself to dwell in the past. Much of it didn’t go as planned, and feelings of guilt and regret are all too happy to pounce, once I arrive. This trip Read More
This One’s For You
Hi There, I’m writing this for you. The one who feels stuck. Like a bird in a building, or a mouse on a sticky trap, Knowing that things won’t end well. I’m writing this as the voice of experience. One who has been there before, But managed to break free. And now wishes she had Read More
The Sun Returns
Late Sunday night, my husband walked through our front door for the first time in seven months. My daughter cried, and cried, jumping into his arms. The dog danced circles around him, full of puppy elation. My boys–his stepsons–stood around with the happy aloofness of teenagerhood. And I felt like the missing piece of me Read More
My Own Outfit
One of the most significant choices we commit to in a life of sobriety is choosing ourselves over “the crowd.” Choosing our own wellbeing over fitting in. In my last few years of drinking, I tried sobriety on like an outfit I thought didn’t suit me. One of the big reasons I felt this way Read More
The Gift of Self Knowledge
I haven’t been myself lately. I’ve slid off track. Started skipping the morning routine that always grounds me. Gobbling up the baked goods that I’ve been making far too often. Working up excuses not to work out. Opting to nap rather than write. These are red flags. Thoughts and behaviors that tell me I’ve veered Read More
The Gift of Peace
It is Memorial Day weekend in the United States. Instead of marking the day for what it was meant for, honoring men and women who died while serving in the military, the vast majority of Americans see it as the official start of the summer season. A time to take out their boats and other Read More
The Gift of Consistency
One of the things that hurts my heart about my drinking days is how it tended to bring out the worst in me. And how, as a result, my children were exposed to the worst me on a regular basis. The worst me wasn’t violent, but did tend to get emotional, snippy, angry, resentful, sad Read More