And it finally did. Eighteen months ago today. I ended the chapter I had been stuck in for what felt like forever. That chapter where I played the role of an victim, stuck in her circumstances. Stuck in an endless cycle of weakness and remorse. I poured out the wine glass, and ended the most Read More
Category: Sobriety
The Prescription for Sobriety
I finally went to the doctor yesterday about my knee. I’ve been seeing this GP for 25 years now, and he also is the doctor for my husband, three children and ex-husband, so he probably knows more than he wants to about me and my family. I hadn’t seen him in awhile, so I shared Read More
What Does Living Look Like, Then and Now?
On Friday, March 13, 2020, the day of my one-year “soberversary,” the world shut down. I’m not a superstitious person, but sometime I will share with you about a Friday the Thirteenth I had years ago that caused a missed flight, missed wedding and a relapse, among other things. Anyway, back to this year. It Read More
Your Maintenance Light is On
Maintain: to cause or enable (a condition or state of affairs) to continue. To keep (something) at the same level or rate. To keep (a building, machine, or road) in good condition or in working order by checking or repairing it regularly. Confession time: my pants are growing tight. The skinny(er) pants I purchased after Read More
Doesn’t Add Up
Skinny doesn’t equal healthy. Full doesn’t mean fulfilled. Present doesn’t equal presence. Connected doesn’t mean connection. Anesthetized doesn’t equal pain free. A temporary fix doesn’t mean a solution. Escape doesn’t equal freedom. Absence of conflict doesn’t mean peace. Be aware of the twisted math we perform in our heads…sometimes it doesn’t add up.
Living in a Place of Mystery
Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe what we cannot see, and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty. Brene Brown This year, I have spent a lot of time in a place of mystery, and now I find myself living there yet again. Embracing the Read More
The Element of Self-Sabotage in Relapse
I’ve been thinking about relapse lately, and why it happens. I picture a weakened figure sliding down the steep sides of a slippery pit. A bird caught mid-flight and thrown back into a rusty cage. The loudness of silence, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ask anyone who has a history with drugs or Read More
A New Agenda
My husband and I squeezed in one more outing before I return to work tomorrow. On the agenda was a quick trip to the coast where we hiked and spent the night at a hotel on the ocean. It was an eight-mile hike, chosen on the spot and maybe a bit overambitious. When you read Read More
Sunday Meditation: Guard Your Heart
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 4:23 Our thoughts, speech and actions settle into our hearts and, if repeated often enough, find a home. At certain points in my life, I have found myself off course, or on a bad course. It is hard to see Read More
A Letter to my Husband on our Anniversary
Dear Husband, I feel like year 11 should have come with a warning label. WARNING: You will be physically separated by 7,000 miles for seven months of this year. Life as you know it will change in big and small ways. You will feel lost, anxious, discouraged and frustrated a majority of the time… But Read More