In order to love yourself, you must first know who YOU are. Just as it is impossible to love a stranger, you need to spend time getting to know yourself. This includes a lot of self-reflection and awareness, or noticing, what you respond to and why. Whatever makes your soul happy…do more of that.
One of the pitfalls of a long-term relationship with alcohol is that it robs you of your sense of self. You gradually lose interest in other pursuits. You settle for mediocrity in all areas of your life. You write off your goals as being too far-fetched, or out-of-reach for someone as undeserving as you.
Rather than possessing the self-worth to develop authentic connection with others, you settle for playing a part, a role. You adopt behaviors of convenience to achieve the desired outcome. You are the hustler at work, the wife who has it all together at home, the witty socialite who always has time for happy hour with friends. And what is the desired outcome? To get by…to exist…sometimes to be left alone. You have no love for yourself when you are stuck in self-destructive patterns of behavior. You are a chameleon taking the path of least resistance, as long as you can stay numb and not have to reflect on anything.
When you break up with alcohol and begin the journey toward self-love and self-worth, it feels joy-filled and magical, but it can also be disorienting.
Who am I? What kind of woman do I want to be? What do I enjoy? What are my talents and gifts? What can I be proud of? What do I love about myself?
And it takes a while to figure it out; maybe even a lifetime. But carving out an identity, discovering who you are and what you are passionate about is the most worthwhile and rewarding work you will ever do. What is the desired outcome of this work? Learning to love yourself. And it is only through truly loving ourselves, that we have the ability to love others in an authentic way.